Hello everyone here reading the MenuPages blog, I am Ryan and I will be writing about food! I am a New England native who loves to eat just about everything, but I especially love Mexican food (Yes, I have a tattoo of nachos on my arm!), Japanese food, and Italian food. When it comes to good ol' American eating, nothing beats a great hot dog or cheeseburger. Brunch is easily my favorite meal of the day. I currently live in Somerville, and navigate Boston and Cambridge by bicycle and the T. I love music and set up live shows for local and national touring acts when I am not busy working at BU as a Print Buyer.

Anyway, I look forward to writing up reviews of my favorite places, new places I've never tried before, and giving some places a second chance. I hope you all will have just as much fun reading the write-ups and trying the restaurants I write about as much as I will!

Enjoy!

Burger King has just licensed out their name for a series of, err, "potato snacks." Not potato chips. Potato snacks.

We just got word from snack makers Intensely Different that they have officially unveiled a line of Burger King potato snacks. The chips/snacks/whatever come in two flavors: "Ketchup & fries" or "flame broiled." Yes — hamburger flavored chips. Are they the American version of British bacon flavored crisps? Who the hell knows. But, because we love you, here's the company's description of the "flame broiled" chips:

The BK™ spin on chips is nothing short of a revolution. Our hearty flavor now packs a crispy punch. A savory bag of crunchy, bite-sized flame-broiled taste whenever you want it.

Meanwhile, we admit this sounds like an April Fool's kind of post. I mean, hamburger flavored potato chips? But it's not. However, here's a fast food related prank for you.

Intensely Different [Official Site]

•What food is depicted in this picture? [MP: Chicago]
•Why does the Phillies mascot look like a less awesome version of Wally, the Green Monster? [MP: Philadelphia]
•Why is San Francisco so pretty and filled with delicious burritos? [MP: San Francisco]
•Why is this tuna not in our belly right this second? [MP: South Florida]

•$15 for a croque madame? Oh hell no. [MP: Chicago]
•A year wait for a reservation? That's crazy! [MP: Philadelphia]
•Raw liver=gross. [MP: San Francisco]
•You know, you'd think that if you went to the trouble of trying to open a restaurant in a prostitute motel, the city might throw you a bone (no pun intended) and grant your licenses in a timely fashion. [MP: South Florida]

• India farmer suicides peaking despite food prices and country's prosperity [Reuters]
• Pepsi aiming its new no-cal carbonated fruity "Tava" at the "reborn digital" [NYTimes]
• Frightened parents switching in droves from chemical-y plastic to glass bottles [AP]
• Five food additives that ought to scare the crap out of you! Or not really [Newsweek]
• Chinese really hammering home their contention that Olympic food will be safe [ChinaDaily]
• FAO identifies three dozen "crisis" countries facing food shortage crunches [WaPo]
• Never fear: Clooney and pals donate cash to keep Darfur food heli-delivery aloft [AFP]

•These doughnut pancakes sound almost as amazing as the doughnut muffin at Geoffrey's in Roslindale. [MP: Chicago]
•What if you stuffed a hot dog from Spike's Junkyard Dogs between two slices of pizza from Little Stevie's? Would that be awesome or are we just hungry? [MP: Philadelphia]
•It sure would be nice to work near cheap noodles. Can our office move near the Super 88 so we can lunch at Sapporo Ramen? [MP: San Francisco]
•We're partial to the creme brulee at Zon's, but we have to admit that we are sincerely coveting the champagne sea bass creme brulee mentioned in this post. [MP: South Florida]

Hilarious. You know, there can be a lot of fun in translation. Just ask the folks at Engrish. But rarely do you get a gem of this caliber. Ass-hot chicken? You know it! A plate of ass steak? Nothin' butt! (sorry-that was cheeky) Too bad there's no Ass hot dog up there. Ah, the golden age of film...

Anyway, here's why this exists: It's a menu for a burger stand in Quebec, where they speak Franglais. "Ass" stands for "assiette," which basically means "assortment plate," according to Neatorama. But dude, by this time they have to know how funny it is. You got to hand it to them for the sheer commitment. "Ass 2 pain?" We bet.

And what's with the soft-porn lamp hanging down there on the right? That thing deserves a menu board all its own.

Ass Burger! [Neatorama]
Title Credit: Adam P

• Biofuels "2.0," i.e. cellulosic ethanol, to ease food crop demand [FoodNav]
• Can you grow fruit trees in your urban backyard? Sure, why not [NYTimes]
• Beef recall co. CEO somewhat unrepentant under Congressional scrutiny [Tribune]
• FDA discloses dozens of spinach sanitary violations it ignored [WaPo]
• CT school punishes, unpunishes star 8th grader for buying candy [AP]
• USDA kind of dicking Guam over on food stamps for admin. reasons [PNC]

• McDonald's sales up 12% over last February (paging Dr. Leap Day?) [Tribune]
• Nestle, smelling profits, to open Swiss chocolate research center [Bloomberg]
• Bandits now plundering half of WFP food deliveries in Darfur [AFP]
• Gorton's fish fillets recalled as pills found in ths sticks! [USAToday]
• We don't really know diddly-squat about the nanotech we're eating [The Age]
• 4oz wine and beer samples in supermarkets? Wa. state says, "sure"! [AP]

•"The Enemy Of Our Enemy Is Our Friend: Paper Menu Wars" [MP: Chicago]
•"MP Commenter Leaves LaBan Metacommentary" [MP: Philadelphia]
•"Don't Eat That Asian Boy" [MP: San Francisco]
•"How To Up The Cholesterol Level Of A BLT" [MP: South Florida]

As we write this, it's a balmy 57 (57!!!) degrees out and so what if it's cloudy? Spring finally seems within reach, thank goodness, and we couldn't be more excited. The folks at b.good are just as pumped as we are and, to celebrate, they're offering free french fries to all comers at each and every one of their four locations all day long. To get your hand-cut goodies, just go into your local b.good and tell them that you're family. Hint: the Harvard Square location even has sweet potato fries. Happy almost-spring and happy free fry day!

b.good [MenuPages]
b.good [Official Site]

•We're always in the mood for Belgian waffles! [MP: Chicago]
•Oh man: curry chips are awesome. [MP: Philadelphia]
•This tea egg with caviar is real pretty. [MP: San Francisco]
•We sure would like to try some swamp cabbage! [MP: South Florida]

•Hee hee hee. Tunnel of Fudge cake. [MP: Chicago]
•We don't know what these people are complaining about: they got their "Suck my d**k f**k face" comped! [MP: Philadelphia]
•We have never seen a video that cries out for a Freudian interpretation so much as this one, which follows a girl deathly afraid of pickles. [MP: San Francisco]
•There might be poo on the lemon in your water. Just, you know, FYI. [MP: South Florida]

Dunkin' Donuts had quite the eventful few days last week. On Wednesday, the company announced the launch of a new all-day menu featuring "oven-toasted" flatbread sandwiches, pizzas, and hash browns. On Thursday, the Globe reported that 95% of New England and New York Dunkin' Donuts franchisees are unhappy about the chain's decision to allow its coffee to be distributed in grocery stores and at Hess gas stations.

At heart, both of these pieces of news are about brand dilution. If Dunkie's flatbreads and pizzas turn out to be good, that's great, but, as we've mentioned, that seems unlikely. If a customer goes to Dunkin' Donuts and has a crap pizza, that's likely to diminish their approval of the brand in general, no matter how rocking the doughnuts and coffee may be. Furthermore, the effort expended on making the meal items may well take away from the time spent on the core items, such as the doughnuts, which could result in diminished quality for the entire menu. While we don't object to the selling of Dunkie's coffee at grocery stores, it does send a message that Dunkin' Donuts a brand that extends well beyond its own locations, which is likely bad news for franchisees, who are, after all, the core of Dunkin' Donuts' operations, especially in New England. We worry, in short, that Dunkie's is doing less with more.

What do you think? Are all these changes good or bad for the Dunkin' Donuts brand? Your thoughts are, as always, welcome in the comments.

Dunkin' Donuts Turns Up the Heat with New Oven-Roasted Menu [Dunkin' Donuts]
Bad Feelings Brewing Among Shop Owners [Boston Globe]

•MP: Chicago celebrated Valentine's Day with an epic roundup of heartsy-heartsy foodstuffs.
•MP: Philadelphia expressed his deep admiration for Jewish deli sandwiches.
•MP: San Francisco thinks Valentine's Day dinners should be hot and steamy.
•MP: South Florida shows her love with braised short ribs.

Originally posted on May 10. We may have accidentally revealed too much about our own grossness with this post. We don't actually eat food off our floor.

We've been living by the five-second rule since we were tiny and we're willing to bet that you do as well. You know the drill: you drop a piece of food on the floor or counter and scoop it up and pop it in your mouth at the speed of light. "Five-second rule", you state authoritatively. Obviously, the five-second rule doesn't apply to, say, a donut dropped on the T, but it holds true for a non-sticky morsel dropped on your living room floor. Right?

Wrong, say researchers at Clemson University and eminent food scientist Harold McGee. In an article from yesterday's New York Times, McGee reveals that five seconds is more than enough for your dropped food to get contaminated with yucky bacteria like E.coli or salmonella. McGee suggests "the five-second rule, version 2.0": pick up the food and take five seconds to think about whether it's worth eating. We think that sounds like a lot less fun.

It's also little sad that one of our last childhood beliefs has been proven false. What next? Will we learn that chanting "circle, circle, dot, dot, now I've got my cootie shot" and counting to ten (but skipping the number eight, which, as anyone can tell you, is the "cootie number") is not an effective vaccine against the most dreaded disease of our elementary school years?

The Five-Second Rule Explored, or How Dirty Is That Bologna? [New York Times]

Which major local steakhouse had run out of chicken and salmon by 7:30 on a recent Saturday night? The lack of lean proteins wouldn't be so bad (it is, after all, a steakhouse), but they were also almost out of filet mignon and the sirloin was "so fatty, it was hard to cut." When disgruntled customers asked to speak to a manager, they were told that none was available. At meal's end, the customers were told by the host that "he was sorry we felt that we had a bad experience" but the steakhouse had recently received accolades on a major website. Bizarre behavior! Will Boston soon be one steakhouse down?

Enjoy this blind item? Feed the tipline.

We will fully admit that half of the reason we're writing this post is to reference the most ridiculous Herald headline of all time. The other half of our motivation, however, is nothing but the sincerest desire to make sure you're not in the dark about a good deal. In commemoration of the Pats' near-perfect season, Boloco is offering 18% off anything at any of the branches. In case you couldn't quite figure it out, that's 1 percentage point for every win. The offer is only good through the end of today, so head to one of their approximately eight million locations to take full advantage of the consolation prize deal.

Boloco [MenuPages]
Boloco [Official Site]

Originally posted May 1, 2007. We stand by our Bertucci's obsession.

Alex Witchel's article in last week's New York Times Dining section has been weighing heavily on our mind this past week. In the article, Witchel discusses her inner conflict between her urbane and conscientious side (which wants produce from a farmer's market and artisanal foods) and the part of her that craves childhood comfort foods like Wonder Bread and Hostess Sno-Balls.

While we're certainly not immune to the charms of processed foods (oh Kraft Mac & Cheese, you orange seducer, you), Witchel's piece really made us think about another kind of food-based guilty pleasure. As the main representative for MenuPages Boston, we feel a great responsibility to know about Boston restaurants and support local businesses. For the most part, this is not a chore at all. In theory, we would always rather eat at a local restaurant that has a sense of community and history and is owned by a small group of people, not a giant corporation. In theory. Listen, we've known each other for a few weeks now. We can be honest with you, right?

Sometimes, all we want in this world is the tomato-basil spaghettini with goat cheese from California Pizza Kitchen. Sometimes, we'd rather head to Bertucci's for a margherita pizza (we always order extra, since it is, perhaps, the world's greatest cold pizza) than down to our soulful neighborhood cafe. We love a dining adventure as much as the next food writer, but every so often, you just want something cheap and familiar, you know?

We're pretty sure we aren't the only ones who feel this way. What's your guilty pleasure restaurant? Drop us a line or let us know in the comment box. As we have no leg to stand on, we definitely won't judge you.

A Soft Spot for the Anti-Artisanal [New York Times]
California Pizza Kitchen [MenuPages]
California Pizza Kitchen [Official Site]
Bertucci's Brick Oven Pizzeria [MenuPages]
Bertucci's Brick Oven Pizzeria [Official Site]

[Photo: Virtual Tourist: emilienoelle]

•What happens if you say "Bacon Bloody Mary" seven times in front of the mirror? [MP: Chicago]
•What if this were a BACON cheeseburger in a can? [MP: Philadelphia]
•Pork is one of the few things that could improve upon cioppino. [MP: San Francisco]
•Dogma Grill is a good name for a weiner restaurant! [MP: South Florida]

•Some people love ridiculously gorgeous pictures of lemons... [MP: Chicago]
•...While others adore restaurants with awesome names. [MP: Philadelphia.]
•The US government doesn't love haggis. [MP: San Francisco]
•And the state of Virginia has an inexplicable prejudice against delicious sangria. [MP: South Florida]

•Blood oranges are lovely at this time of year. [MP: Chicago]
•When will Indian-style pizza come to the Hub? It is already here and we just don't know about it? If so, please enlighten us on where we might grab a slice. [MP: Philadelphia]
•Twelve eggs is at least nine eggs too many for an omelet. [MP: San Francisco]
•Cookies on a grill! Cookies on a grill! COOKIES ON A GRILL!!!!!!!! We have no idea why this makes us so excited. [MP: South Florida]

Hey! Did you know that it's National Soup Month? Legal Sea Foods does and they'll be giving away free chowder chowda in celebration. Legal's has always had exemplary chowder (so rich and creamy!) so we strongly suggest taking advantage of this very limited time offer.

As always, there's a catch. The chowder will only be available for two tantalizing hours and only at five Boston-area locations: Burlington, Copley, Chestnut Hill, Framingham, and the South Shore Plaza. You can totally hit at least two of those locations within that time period, though, so hurry up! Run like the wind! The chowder-hungry Bostonian wind!

Legal Sea Foods [MenuPages]
Chowda Day [Legal Sea Foods]

•How early is too early for a review of a new restaurant? [MP: Chicago]
•Is there any reason Philadelphia has so many restaurant-related crimes? [MP: Philadelphia]
•Is there anyone angrier than a service employee who just received terrible service? [MP: San Francisco]
•Can you even call this monstrosity a spicy tuna roll? [MP: South Florida]

We have been fascinated with the commercials for KFC's Famous Bowls because the product in question, a blend of mashed potatoes, corn, popcorn chicken, gravy, and a "three-cheese blend" neither sounds nor looks remotely edible. (We also imagine that it would cause one to spend a substantial portion of the day on which one consumed it sitting on the toilet).

See what we mean? Don't get us wrong: we don't especially like KFC, but we do like mashed potatoes and corn and chicken and gravy and cheese. You know what we don't like? All of those things in one bowl.

Comic Patton Oswalt (recently heard as the voice of Remy in foodie-favorite movie Ratatouille) agrees with us. For some time, Oswalt has incorporated a bit about KFC's Famous Bowls, which he refers to as a "failure pile in a sadness bowl", into his standup routine, but until recently, he had never actually tried one of the bowls himself. All that changed when the Onion A.V. Club enlisted him to write a taste test report on the "food." What he found out will not surprise you at all.

"It was a mistake" writes Oswalt. "The Famous Bowl hit my mouth like warm soda, slouched down my throat, and splayed itself across my stomach like a sun-stroked wino. It was that precise combination of things, and so many other sensations that did not go together. At all. ... It's goddamn horrible, this Famous Bowl." Oswalt's review does not make us any less likely to try the Famous Bowl since, well, nothing could make us less likely to try the Famous Bowl, but we'll now view the commercials with an extra sense of revulsion.

KFC Commercial - Famous Bowls - Guy wants it all [YouTube: kilo5]
A.V. Club Taste Test Special: The Bowl At The Howling Rim Of Famous-Ity [A.V. Club]

We Bostonians have a history of getting rather attached to our neon signage. In 1983, Citgo floated the idea of taking down the company's giant neon sign in Kenmore Square. To their surprise, they were met with tremendous opposition until they finally agreed to refurbish and restore the sign to its original glory. Now, 24 years later, another Boston neon landmark is slated to be removed. The Globe reports that Dunkin' Donuts is planning to dismantle the fifty year old neon Dunkie's sign on North Beacon Street in Brighton. Dunkin' Brands communications manager Andrew Mastrangelo alleges that the sign has "deteriorated to an unacceptable condition." Mastrangelo indicated that Dunkin' Donuts will "work with the community and city officials on plans for a replacement sign", but we're a bit skeptical.

Safety is, of course, of paramount importance and if the current sign is unsafe in some way, we certainly support a change. We worry, however, that the reason that the current sign is "unacceptable" is simply because it's out of date and doesn't conform to the official company logo and image. We'll be very sad if we drive by North Beacon Street in a few months and see the same boring square Dunkie's sign we can see at every other intersection in this city.

Neon Loses Out To Rust, Dooming Landmark Sign [Boston Globe]
Dunkin' Donuts [Official Site]

[Photo: Bostonist]

•Don't submit user reviews as Menu Problems. Also, learn to spell (or at least to use spell check). [MP: Chicago]
•Don't piss off Minnesota Mitch Omer. [MP: Philadelphia]
•Apparently, working out will help a hangover. [MP: San Francisco]
•Sushi cookies are awesome! [MP: South Florida]

So, as far as openings and closings go this week, we've got nothing. We strongly suspect that anyone who might be opening or closing a restaurant spent the week in a food coma, watching The Wire on DVD. Or was that just us? Anyways, since we don't have much big news, we thought we'd take a look-see at our old friend, Craigslist's Food/Beverage/Hospitality jobs section. Looking for a new job? We found you three.

•Have you always dreamed of cable stardom? Didn't get it together to send in your tape for The Next Food Network Star? You, my lazy friend, are in luck, as there appears to be a casting call for a Snack Man to star in a cable pilot. Quoth the job listing, "The ideal Snack Man is late 20s to early 40s (any ethnicity) with a Big Personality and loads of charisma. Should be smart, fun, funny, have some edge and attitude and genuinely love all types of snack foods. Must be well-spoken, quick on your feet and able to vividly describe with enthusiasm the virtues of an endless variety of snack foods." Why can't it be a Snack Lady, yo? Anyways, if you fit the description, do send over your info and pretty please let us know as soon as you find out about the details.
•Good news: apparently, you can live for free in Lexington and all you have to do is cook reheatable dinners for fifteen hours a week. The bad news: we think this ad might have been posted by a serial killer. Right? There are deals in this world that are just too good to be true and this seems like one of them.
•Hey! Do you speak Mandarin? Are you a good flier? If so, you can become a Delta flight attendant! It's actually a semi-sweet deal: the hours are unpredictable, but you get free or greatly reduced airline tickets, so if you want someone to fund your travel habit, there are worse things you could do.

Casting: Snack Man for Major Cable Network [Craigslist]
personal chef services in exchange for rent free house in Lexington [Craigslist]
Speak Mandarin? Love to Travel? See The World with Delta Air Lines! [Craigslist]

Aaaaaaand, we're out. We plan to spend the next several days sprawled out in a food coma on our mother's couch. We will return on Monday morning, refreshed and, hopefully, rejuvenated. Have a very happy Thanksgiving everyone!

[Photo: Flickr: PhillipWest]

Pie in The Sky is one of our very favorite Boston food traditions. Every year, Community Servings offers Bostonians the opportunity to purchase a variety of delightful pies. The proceeds go to Community Servings, an organization that delivers meals to those kept at home by life-threatening illnesses. It's a truly excellent cause and a wonderful organization and to top it off, the pie is awesome. Apple, pecan, pumpkin, sweet potato, and diabetic apple pies are available. We can especially recommend the apple and pecan from personal experience.

Tomorrow is the last day to order your pie, which can then be picked up at a wide variety of convenient locations and we very much suggest that you do so because, duh, good cause plus good pie equals an excellent Thanksgiving, but if you'd like to get further involved, Pie in The Sky is seeking volunteers to do everything from helping with data entry to assisting at pie pickup locations. If you'd like to help out, call Community Servings at (617) 522-7777. Good karma will make your Thanksgiving feast taste even better, we promise.

Pie in The Sky [Official Site]
Community Servings [Official Site]

As though the fact that we're proud Bostonians wasn't enough incentive to root root root for the home team over the next five to fifteen days, now there are two further draws. First, as you undoubtedly know if you're a regular over at Jordan's Furniture, back in March, Eliot and Barry offered a killer deal to patrons: anyone who purchased furniture between March 7 and April 16 would get a full refund if, and only if, the Sox won the series. Although the Tatelmans won't disclose just how much money they might have to shell out, the Globe reports that they took out a separate insurance policy to provide for such a scenario, so don't worry, they won't have to shut down MOM or anything.

As regular readers know, we are no great fan of fast food chains. We are, however, exceedingly fond of free things. Given those two criteria, we're a bit torn about how we should feel about Taco Bell's latest promotion: steal a base, steal a taco, wherein if any player steals a base during the World Series, you can get a free Crunchy Seasoned Beef Taco. On the one hand, Taco Bell is gross, but on the other hand, free stuff! We'll let you make up your own mind on this one, but in the meantime, go Sox!!!!!

Monster Deal [Jordan's Furniture]
Jordan's Shoppers Sitting Pretty If Sox Win [Boston Globe]
Steal A Base, Steal A Taco [MLB]

Yesterday, we were reading Slate and we noticed something amazing. Two out of the day's sixteen stories were directly about Boston and two more made reference to our great city. Ben Affleck's mash note to the Hub, Gone Baby Gone (which we're finally going to see on Thursday), came in strong at the box office and is getting killer reviews. The most recent new episode of Saturday Night Live featured Burlington native Amy Poehler playing a high school version of herself, complete with full accent. We've got two of the country's best new restaurants and some of the best pizza. The Pats are undefeated, Boston College football is number two in the nation, and the Sox are going to the World Effing Series for the second time in four years. Guys, Boston is having a major moment. We, for one, couldn't be prouder.

Ben Affleck's Boston [Slate]
Manny Ramierez, As Himself [Slate]
The Standells - Dirty Water [YouTube: 23Daves]

In August, we mentioned the fact that Boston offered no good way to access restaurant health inspection data. Now, almost two months later, Brighton Centered brings the news that the new online system is up and running.

The new site, adorably/bewilderingly named "The Mayor's Food Court", allows city residents to search for any restaurant within the city limits and see the results of its most recent health inspection. The search engine doesn't seem to be operating at full potential just yet. When we searched for JP Licks, only the Brigham Circle location came up (it passed its two most recent inspections, by the by) and when we clicked on the most recent inspection date, this message popped up: "There are no voilations for this inspection." Perhaps more useful is the tool that allows users to see which restaurants have been temporarily closed by the Health Inspections Division in the past 30, 60, or 90 days.

Wanna Avoid Restaurants That Were Recently Shut Due to Health Code Violations? [Brighton Centered]
Mayor's Food Court [Division of Health Inspections]

[Photo: Centers for Disease Control]

We've been having some serious mid-90s nostalgia all day and what better to revel in the (sort of food related) glories of the era than with our all-time favorite Mentos commercial? We'd be hard pressed to say what makes these thirty seconds so intensely brilliant (is it the overacting? the outfits? the music?), but if we had to name one element, it would probably be the fact that the Mentos woman is popping mints like so many Valium. Delightful!

Mentos Commercial [YouTube: maciek117]

Dishing brings us the news that Boston's favorite celebrity chef Todd English has been tapped to create a menu for Delta Airlines. The menu items under consideration, which will be available for sale in coach, sound nice, if not terribly interesting: a smoked salmon and egg salad croissant, a chicken and avocado wrap, hummus. As New York Times food critic Frank Bruni has discussed, however, the involvement of a top chef does not guarantee a fine product, especially in the world of airline food. Miami chef Michelle Bernstein recently created a menu for Delta's Business Elite class that Bruni described as "rubbery." Is there any reason to believe that English's meals will fare any better?

Whenever possible, we like to pack our own food before flying. Choose something simple but filling, like a baguette with goat cheese and prosciutto or a giant salad (although since liquids are banned, you'll need to pre-dress it or get dressing inside the terminal). If packing a meal at home isn't possible, we've found that getting a meal to go from one of the restaurants in the airport is almost always a better bet than taking your chances with the food served on the plane. The exceptions? Logan's Terminal E, which has unspeakably awful food options and flights on non-American carriers, where the food is generally pretty good.

Todd English, Flight Attendant [Dishing]
Delta Continues Upgrading Travel: New U.S. Food for Sale Menu to Feature Chef Todd English [Delta]
Mile-High Flubs [Diner's Journal]

[Photo: Todd English]

Yesterday's Globe featured a fairly terrifying story about health violations in some of the Hub's finest restaurants. All the usual disgusting culprits are involved: mice in the dining room, roaches in the kitchen, improperly stored food, workers preparing salads without gloves. We have a fairly high tolerance for minor health code violations (we don't freak out if, for example, the bathroom doesn't have a sign saying that employees must wash hands and we couldn't care less if a light bulb or two happens to be out in the kitchen), and we understand that the occasional mouse happens to the best of us, but some of the stories in the article are ridiculously disgusting. At one restaurant we will not name (for names, visit the article), a fruit fly infestation last summer caused one bar patron to swallow at least three flies with his drink. Gross!

The specific stories of restaurant negligence are horrifying, but perhaps the most interesting part of the article concerns the fundamental incapacity of the Inspectional Services Department to properly do its job. The department is underfunded, which results in less inspections than are required by law. Restaurants are meant to be inspected three times a year but, as the Globe reports, the reality is that they're inspected about half that frequently. In perhaps an even more troubling revelation, the results of restaurant inspections are not readily available to the public. When the Globe requested copies of reports for 47 restaurants, the city informed them that would cost $2,039. In contrast, New York makes the inspection reports for every restaurant in the city available for free online. There is no good reason why consumers shouldn't be able to see restaurant inspection reports easily and for free. If you feel strongly about this matter, it might not be a bad idea to contact your elected representative. After all, cat poo is one thing, but no one wants to eat mouse droppings.

High End Fare, with Side Order of Violations [Boston Globe]
Restaurant Inspection Information [New York City Department of Health & Mental Hygeine]

[Photo: Centers for Disease Control and Prevention]

Somerville Blog recently brought a press release from Stop & Shop to our attention. Apparently, they've lowered their prices on cookies and crackers. Here, why don't you see for yourself?

Quincy, MA (August 16, 2007) – Just in time for the back-to-school season, the Stop & Shop Supermarket Company will unveil its new, lower pricing on your favorite varieties of cookies and crackers. Starting Friday, Aug. 17, the chain will offer an even better value on these snack items, which are perfect for a brown-bag or after-school treat.

...

“Cookies and crackers are a staple of the brown-bagged school lunch,” said Andrea Astrachan, vice president of consumer affairs for The Stop & Shop Supermarket Company. “Now, with our new, lower prices, these lunch
mainstays are an even better value for our customers, whether it’s in bulk or in individual snack-sized packages.”

Hey! You know what else is perfect for a brown-bag or after-school treat and is actually healthful? Fruit! Seriously, if you're looking for an object illustration of the impact of American agricultural and food policy (i.e. The Farm Bill), look no further.

We're pro-cookie in general. We agree that everyone needs a little treat on occasion and it's nice for said treat to be reasonably priced. Our issue isn't with cheap cookies. Our issue is with subsidizing junky snack food and not subsidizing whole foods that are actually good for you. There's no reason that cookies should be cheaper than fruit.

Cheaper Cookies for Kids [Somerville Blog]
New! Low Prices Every Day On Cookies And Crackers [Stop & Shop]
You Are What You Grow [Michael Pollan]

[Photo: Stop & Shop]

Bostonist and the Inside Track are both reporting a plethora (at least by Hub standards) of local celebrity sightings. First, Kate Hudson and Justin Timberlake were allegedly spotted at J.J. Foley's Bar & Grille. Hudson is in town filming Bachelor No. 2 with our least favorite comedian, Dane Cook, and Timberlake just performed at the Garden on Friday. Since tabloids are quick to assume that any straight man and woman spotted together must be doing the nasty, it's a little surprising that we haven't heard any rumors of Juskate Timberson. The dashing Mr. Timberlake was also spotted, according to the Track at least, at Neptune Oyster. Stalkers, take note!

In odder celebrity news, David Beckham was recently seen at the (wait for it!) Cheesecake Factory in the South Shore Plaza. "For real? For REAL?" you might ask. We know. It's bizarre. We, frankly, wouldn't believe it (Becks frequents a chain eatery?) but fortunately, Channel 25 was there to capture the magic.

Our favorite recent celebrity sighting, however, is one that didn't get much press. Today, the Track casually reported that Slash, he of Guns N' Roses, Velvet Revolver and legendary inebriation, was spotted dining with his family at Beacon Hill Bistro. We don't know about you, but the thought of metal legend Slash eating in the very proper environs of BHB gives us the giggles.

New Feature! We See Famous People: Beckham Likes the Cheesecake Factory? [Bostonist]
Tracked Down [Boston Herald]
Exclusive Video: David Beckham At The South Shore Plaza [MyFox Boston]

The Globe's Local News Updates blog recently brought us a great story. It seems that last month, Foxboro's Scott Oliver and Judi Hershman went to the Red Wing Diner in Walpole for a nice dinner. Midway through, Oliver bit into one of the deep-fried oysters the couple had ordered and discovered that this particular oyster was harboring more than just briny goodness. This oyster had a pearl! The couple was, understandably, excited. After all, natural and uncultivated pearls are extremely rare and valuable. When they took the pearl to a jeweler to be assessed, however, its monetary value was estimated at a mere $20. Why? Cindi Haddad, the jeweler in question, pointed out that the pearl wasn't yet fully coated and that its shape was not perfect. Moreover, she offered this piece of wisdom: "There’s a very good possibility that deep-frying did it no favors at all."

That pretty much sums up our feelings about oysters in general: they're delicious in their natural state, so why mess with perfection? Eating your oyster raw, the way nature intended it, is not only tasty as all get out, but it also increases your likelihood of finding a pearl. Sounds like a good deal to us!

All that glitters in an oyster ... is not a priceless pearl [Boston Globe]

We have to be honest: we haven't watched new episodes of The Simpsons since it started going sharply downhill during our high school days. We still, however, have a permanently abiding fondness for those wacky yellow guys and we've very much enjoyed many of their running jokes, none more than the show's continuing evasiveness on the point of which state houses Springfield. Given all this, we were very pleased to read that, as a promo for the upcoming The Simpsons Movie, the producers are sponsoring a contest among America's Springfields to host the movie's premiere. Here's how it works: the cities have submitted videos explaining why they're the real Springfield. Viewers can then vote for the winner from now until July 10.

Obviously, we are not unbiased, but we think that Massachusetts' video is clearly the best. We love the Kent Brockman joke and we're pleased to report that no other city managed to book a sitting Senator. In our video, Senator Kennedy remarks that if the premiere is in Springfield, the Simpsons will finally be able to "enjoy some real chow-dah." SenKen is, of course, referring to the episode where Freddy Quimby, the Boston-accented corrupt mayor's nephew mocks a waiter who pronounces the clam stew as "show-dare". What, you say? You've never seen it? Here it is in its full awesome glory. Watch and then go vote for Massachusetts!

Kennedy Backs City's Simpsons Movie Campaign [Boston Globe]
The Simpsons Movie [IMDB]
The Simpsons Movie Hometown Premiere Contest [USA Today]
Simpsons: Chowder [YouTube: milanj83]

We've always had an unusually strong aversion to Jell-O. It's the wiggling. So creepy. We realize, however, that we're in the minority on this issue and that for most people, Jell-O is a cherished childhood food memory. That's fine. We're not entirely infallible on matters of the stomach. Just mostly.

We are willing to speculate that even the most devoted Jell-O enthusiast, however, would be hard pressed to defend celery-flavored Jell-O. This dastardly creation was introduced by Jell-O in the 1960s to be used in salads. Disgrossting!

This celery Jell-O business started us thinking. What other gross flavors of Jell-O have tried and failed to succeed in the marketplace? A quick glance at Wikipedia revealed that not only can one currently purchase egg custard flavored Jell-O pudding, but Jell-O has unsuccessfully tried to peddle gelatin in flavors like mixed vegetable, seasoned tomato, and our personal favorite, "Italian." Our curiosity piqued, we next headed to Flickr, to see whether we could see any of this in action. We cannot recommend doing a search for "gross jello" nearly enough. The winner? This stunning shot of a lime Jell-O creation stuffed with ham, celery, and pimento olives. Just think of it as your diet aid for the day.

Disgusting Flavors We Never Got a Chance to Love [Mental Floss]
Celery and Tomato Flavored Jell-O [Diet Blog]
Jell-O [Wikipedia]
Gross Jello [Flickr]

[Photo: Flickr: janespeed27]

It seems that City Councilor Sal LaMattina never read our post on non-annoying ice cream truck songs. LaMattina wants to place a ban on loud ice cream truck music. A wide variety of bloggers have denounced this idea as ridiculous. While we agree that this is certainly a pretty big waste of the City Council's time, we will say that, having been driven to drink, distraction, dyspepsia etc. by a certain truck endlessly looping "Turkey in the Straw," we would not be averse to a ban on tunes between, say 9pm-10am. After all, what kid needs ice cream during those hours?

The real question here, of course, is what will happen to the World's Saddest Ice Cream Truck if songs are banned?

[YouTube via RealFake Blog.]

A very special lobster turned up near Groton, Connecticut this weekend! The Globe reports that lobster fisher Robert Green found a one and a half pounder in his trap. Nothing too exciting there, but here's the twist: the lobster was not the normal shade of reddish-brown, but was, instead, a rather shocking blue! Rather than meeting the steamer pot (where, disappointingly, even a blue lobster would turn red) and a bowl of drawn butter, the lobster will reside at the Mystic Aquarium & Institute for Exploration. The article is quite interesting and the picture of the lobster in question is cute enough that we almost feel bad about the two lobsters we're planning to mercilessly steam tomorrow night, but the Globe leaves one very important question unanswered. What will be the lobster's name? Clearly, this is a matter of no small import, so we, along with occasional MP correspondent Helen, thought up some good possibilities. We humbly await your vote.

A Royal Crustacean Jackpot [Boston Globe]
Mystic Aquarium & Institute for Exploration [Official Site]

[Photo: Lobster Institute]

Forget the call for FOH and BOH crews at Gaslight and Green Light and the search for someone to head up Boston operations for Buy Your Friend A Drink. This is our most exciting Craigslist Help Wanted find yet.

Thomas Keller, the chef behind California's French Laundry, Bouchon and Ad Hoc, Las Vegas' Bouchon, and New York's Per Se is seeking restaurant managers as the Thomas Keller Restaurant Group " exhance[s]...existing properties and embark[s] upon expansion." Now. We're sure we would have heard if the idea of opening a Boston restaurant was even a twinkle in Keller's eye, so sadly, we speculate said opportunities are elsewhere. That being said, if you're a management type, this is a true and rare opportunity to work for the best in the business. Consider yourself notified.

Thomas Keller Seeks Passionate Leaders! [Craigslist]
Thomas Keller Restaurant Group [Official Site]

Serious Eats has a nice piece up about readers' favorite local burgers. Having been to New York's Burger Joint, we can vouch for its deliciousness, but of course, the big attraction is the Boston-area recommendations. Unsurprisingly, Bartley's Burger Cottage came out on top. We wholeheartedly support that distinction. Bartley's makes not only the finest burgers in Boston, but one of the best we've ever sampled throughout the country. We're fond of tucking into the Teddy Bruschi (guacamole, cheddar, lettuce, tomato, and onion), but even the unad