• The failing article in question is a review of Oak Park's Trattoria 225 (225 Harrison Street, 708 358 8555), a slightly upscale family Italian joint that's got a wood oven for pizza and a tendency to grill things (not necessarily a bad thing!). It gets a pretty even-handed treatment: some dishes are meh, some are really good (the grilled romaine in the caesar salad gets noted as a neato touch). He declares the wood-fired pizzas "more East Coast-style than Midwest," but points out that unlike the fresh clams used by the masters of the white clam pizza, Frank Pepe's Pizzeria Napoletana in New Haven, CT, the owners of Trattoria 225 go for the canned kind. Ultimately, though, Bruno's review makes it out to be pretty boring: Worth it if you live nearby, but not nearly exciting or innovative enough to merit a trek from another neighborhood. [Bruno, Sun-Times]

• Speaking of suburban Italian fare, Thomas Witom treks out to Hodgkins in order to visit Salerno-Pincente Ristorante (9301 W 63rd St, 708 354 0099) (fun fact! Google maps places this in Countryside!), which shares its space with "Chicago's newest off-track betting (OTB) operation," the bar Trackside. Witom finds the restaurant to be a solid operation, the pasta-heavy menu resolves into giant portions with minimal fanfare. Atmosphere is lacking, and service could be more polished. But hey, you're probably there for the horses. [Witom, Sun-Times]

This week the Reader is making up for lost time with a threefer: their reviewers visit new hotel-based restaurants C-House (at the Affinia), Perennial (at the Park View Hotel), and ajasteak (at the Dana, and we have just discovered that their website is basically seizure-inducing). Let's break it down:

• Prominently positioned in "one of the most boring restaurant neighborhoods in the city," Perennial seems to still be finding its footing. Mike Sula has nice things to say about dishes like Roman-style semolina-beet gnocchi, lamb with eggplant chutney, and a "devastating" (in the good way) watermelon-tomato-olive-oil. But these raves are preceded by some serious criticisms: peekytoe crab and avocado salad that's "in the running for one of the worst things I’ve eaten all year," and canneloni that "was a textural nightmare of overmanipulated manky meatstuff." Eww. [Sula, Reader]

• The review for C-House begins with the usual rundown of Marcus Samuelsson, but OSBMS refrains from calling him a chef, or an executive chef, or even a person. Instead, he's a media package, meant in presumably the least flattering sense of the phrase, and Sula's affront at the chef situation underscores the rest of the review. The food? As in other reviews, the land-based offerings score better than those from the sea — unfortunate, considering that seafood is the focus here. Sula's theory? Samuelsson "thinks we landlocked rubes don’t know from good fish. Then again, with a built-in customer base of tourists and travelers, maybe he isn’t thinking about us at all." Ouch! [Sula, Reader]

• Anne Spiselman heads to ajasteak, and finds a convenient workaround for those who are in the mood for Kobe, but don't want to pay $18 an ounce for it: get the yakitori appetizer, request it rare and unseasoned, and you'll find yourself hauling 2-3 ounces for $18 a serving, instead. She finds the restaurant's sushi delicious, if expensive, and the service and wine list are both well-executed. The non-steak entrees don't fare as well, with poorly balanced sweet-and-salty flavors and misleading menu descriptions. Plus the atmosphere felt like sitting "in a corridor" — next time, she'll sit at the sushi bar. [Spiselman, Reader]

[Photo: We couldn't find pictures on Flickr of any of these restaurants, so instead here's a photo of some puppies! Via gervo1865_2's Flickr]

• Taking a break from the arduous drone of visiting all those innovative, hip, striving new places that make up the backbone of the restaurant reviewing industry, Pat Bruno revisits an old classic: Bistrot Zinc, a restaurant so resolutely francophile that they've retained the archaic "t" at the end of the "bistro" (see also: Margot, Cyrano's). It's ultimately a good experience for everyone: earning two-and-a-half stars, Zinc hands over "tender and delicious" escargot, and while the Vol au vent en croute "is so French you imagine Edith Piaf sitting next to you and singing in your ear," we personally take umbrage with the redundancy of the dish's name: "vol au vent" (literally "windblown") and "en croute" both imply there's puff pastry involved, mais non? For the francophobic, there's also a handy glossary of Bistrot Zinc terms. [Bruno, Sun-Times]

• Bruno's overall take on Perennial can be summed up in his attitude towards the entrees: faint praise here, with an assessment of "fine, which is my tempered way of saying there is merit but no magic." Zing! And that same damning adjective for the desserts: "fine, nothing spectacular, but at least they are nicely priced." The roast chicken is redeeming, as is the macaroni and cheese. But ultimately Bruno finds this to be a case of literally too many chefs — with a menu full of dusts, foams, mousses, confits, and any other vaguely trendy culinary conceit, the four marquee names involved should probably spend some time getting their priorities straightened out. [Bruno, Sun-Times]

• OSBMS is back on his beat! Well, sort of. Mike Sula's back headlining at Omnivorous, but he's not at a restaurant. Instead, he's at Arway Confections, a half-century-old Chicago candymaker who anonymously puts out all those chocolate- and yogurt-covered pretzels, nuts, and what-have-you that apparently we've all thought were homemade by our local sweetshop. Head honcho Craig Leva has some love for candy, but Sula paints him here as just another businessman, concerned mostly with bottom line. Still, the dude has a sense of humor: "'We can’t afford Oompa-Loompas anymore,' says Leva. 'Even that commodity went up.'" Love us some Wonka humor. [Sula, Reader]

[Photo: Bistrot Zinc, via zanzibar's Flickr]

• Chris Borelli gets the best assignment of the week: Kayak down the Chicago River and shout up to the restaurants to see who will serve him dinner without him having to get out of the boat. He gets some sushi, which is mildly exciting, but the real discovery is that if you paddle up to Robinson's #1 Ribs, you get a complimentary bag of chips along with your boneless rib sandwich. All done via a basket lowered with string! Also, apparently Robinson's serves kayakers "a lot." Which simultaneously blows our minds, and makes us want to kayak over there right now to test out this novel sandwich-buying process. [Tribune]

• TOC takes us on a glorious food tour of Lincoln Ave in Ravenswood, a stretch of street dubbed "Sin Strip" thanks to seedy motels that (we can only assume) rented out by the hour. But now! Lots of delicious food! We are particularly drawn to the idea of homemade sausages from Kiko's Market & Restaurant, and the Croatian coffee joint Cafe Uteja. Also, what decor decision could top that at Pueblito Viejo (5429 N Lincoln Ave, 773 784 9135): "a sprawling Colombian restaurant covered top to bottom in Christmas lights, fake flowers and dusty cowboy paraphernalia"? [TOC]

As for those critical opinion pieces we like to call "reviews":

• Cheap Eats pulls off another four-forker: Laura Bergstrom hits up a teeny-tiny Mexican joint in Geneva called Bien Trucha (410 W. State St., Geneva, 630 232 2665) that does what it does mighty nicely: a simple, straightforward menu of tacos, tortas, cazuelitas, and accompaniments, all made with top-notch ingredients and flavor-packed preparations. Small portions whisked to the table as soon as they're ready in the kitchen, margaritas made with fresh lime, rustic presentation — and everything's under $10. [Bergstrom, Tribune]

• Even though David Tamarkin's experience at Perennial is wildly inconsistent from one day to the next, he can't help but like the place. There's a sunny dining room, and ... well, apparently the room is enough. The food's not all bad — the chefs have "a wizardly knack for injecting the essence of summer into some of their dishes" — and Tamarkin's up for visiting again to give it another shot. In our humble opinion? The sinusoidal peaks and valleys in this review make for a less-than-convincing argument for this restaurant's ability to live up to its name. [Tamarkin, TOC]

[Photo: Corned beef & kraut on rye, at the O'Hare Berghoff, via Dotorious's Flickr]

When people find out that we personally vet the user reviews on MP:Chicago, we get pretty varied responses, not always positive. We're convinced, however, that what we do is essential. We see the underbelly, let us tell you. We see the bad reviews, the cruel reviews, the libelous reviews — and we save you from them! Having seen The Dark Knight this weekend, we've realized that essentially, we are Batman: we might not necessarily be the hero you want, but we are the hero you need. Allow us to share with you a story of the sorts of crap we protect you from on those mean streets of MP!

Recently, we got in this amazing, glowing user review for a steakhouse — all 5s, lots of exclamation points, a long explanation of detailed menu items and their prices. It was capped with a pretty intense exhortation: "i cannot say one bad thing about it! i love it and strongly recommend trying it!"

This smacked of shill to us, so we held off on accepting or rejecting the review until we had a little more context. Not ten minutes later — ten minutes! — in came another amazing review for this restaurant:

After hearing about [steakhouse] from few friends, it took me few weeks to finally find an evening and go to [steakhouse]. The food is superb and you shouldn’t go if you want a quick meal. The walls are red and the entire place is fabulously decorated. My rib eye was tender with a sumptuous sweet potato no need for butter or salt. Between few plates of t-bones, ribs, salmon and steaks, there wasn’t a scrap left on the table. If it wasn’t bad manners I would've picked up my plate and licked the bottom clean. Three hours later and I was blissfully stuffed to the gills. The service was also very friendly and professional. Definitely highly recommend!

I ate at [steakhouse] a few weeks ago with my boyfriend upon a recommendation from a friend who said the "steak was to die for". Being steak lovers we gave it a try. The seductive ambiance impressed us right away -colors of red and gold, ornate chandeliers and distinguished staff members encircled us. We started with the Sizzling Canadian Bacon which he loved and I liked. It was thick and flavorful (worth the $5 to try), the Crabcake was large and all crabmeat (no breadcrumb type fillers), the Classic Caesar was great (we both LOVED the dressing), the Sherry & Aged Gruyere Onion Soup was AMAZING- Differs from your traditional French Onion in all the right ways! The calamari was just average (we are not huge calamari fans, so you may disagree:). FYI: this is a lot of appetizers for two (but the left overs were great!) Ok, dinner: We split the 16oz. Bone-In Filet. I have never heard of "bone in for a filet?!, but we were told it has the most flavor this way- and they were right! Tender- Juicy- Cooked to Perfection- and Flavorful (they offer different sauces on the side for the steak, but I preferred it just the way it was- I believe he liked the [steakhouse] sauce). There is more..The Sides: You MUST get the 5 Cheese Truffle Mac (don't miss out), we also got the Brussel Sprouts, which were loaded with bacon and the creamed spin. All three for $24 were great and nicely portioned. We clearly could not fit dessert, but I look forward to hearing how it was so post your review.....Enjoy!

I absoutely loved everything. Service=excellent. Food=delicious (from entrees to appetizers...and i must admit its the best mac&cheese i ever had). Atmosphere=totally cool, comfortable, classy!!! Cant say one negative thing. I cant wait to go back and order up a few steaks and martinis!!!!

All told, over the course of 24 hours, a total of twelve reviews came over the wire. All with across-the-board 5s. All with far more exclamation points than any human should be allotted in a lifetime. All straight in the trash.

Note to restaurateurs (and evildoers everywhere): We are watching you. We know. We will not let you win this war.

Note to our employers: Please let us start wearing a cape to work?

[Photo: Bat signal, via jtdgarlic's Flickr]

• Blue Sky Bakery does a lot of things: they employ and provide job training to disadvantaged kids, who come away with work experience and references, and they make a killer breakfast or lunch. They don't usually do dinner, but Chicago Bites had the hookup. [Chicago Bites]

• Where oh where can you get Duck Nachos? Dorado, that's where! French-Mexican is brilliant, we must say. [Tasty Beat]

• Some excellent image manipulation (check out the biblical revisionism) and a truly spectacular post title in this rave of Mixteco Grill. [Chicago Gluttons]

• Fresh-baked bread, nostalgia-heavy atmosphere (baskets full of chips!), and inspired sandwich combinations: these are the things that make Panes (subtitle: Bread Cafe) absolutely worth the wait. [Hungry Mag]

• Average pastas, cold gnocchi a "spastic" server who admits to knowing nothing about the wine list, and prices that outpace the quality all conspire against the much-hyped Piccolo Sogno. Arugula pizza's not awful to share, though. [Gastronomic Bypass]

[Photo: The Yob Burger at Kuma's Corner, via rachelleb's Flickr]

• To make up for the dearth of S-T reviews, we did something we've (perhaps shamefully) never done before: we read readers' letters to Pat Bruno. We're not surprised by the attitude of mature cantankerousness that seems to run through most of them (a certain Tom Ward, on why restaurants play music so loudly: "Most of the waitstaff are young people who have to have music playing for whatever activity they are doing." Loving the imperative!), but Bruno also gives us some solid insight into his ratings system, when his four-star for L.2O is questioned:

In a recent review, you gave L20 a four-star rating. Considering that this is a new restaurant, shouldn't you wait until it has proven itself before you hand out your highest rating?
Lucille R.

You make a good point, Lucille. However, a restaurant of this caliber, with the way it is being run, should only get better as it ages. So I would bet the farm, if I had a farm, that L20 will live up to its four-star status.

• In the matter of real reviewing, though, Bruno takes us through lunch and dinner at C-House, the latest in a slew of Chicago restos helmed by non-Chicago celeb chefs. The guy behind this one is Marcus Samuelsson, best known for his New York places. Bruno calls out Samuelsson for being a little bit disingenuous in his connection to the restaurant — though his server does solemnly swear that Marcus was there for a few weeks, "doing whatever a celebrity chef does when connecting his or her name to a venture." We'd say: watch out. The guy doesn't even put in full time at the NYC ventures he puts his name on, something the NY Post's Steve Cuozzo calls him out on.

But who cares about the name over the door if the food's good, right? Well, hm. Bruno's not too thrilled: "The food was good, but there wasn't a lot that rocked my world," and the fish and chips fall way short: they were "the worst fish I've had in many a moon." Besides a few other notablye subpar dishes, there are a blessed few positives: the fish mini-tacos, the asparagus risotto, the lunch-menu-only salmon pastrami sandwich, the desserts, the raw bar. But Bruno's 1.5-stars says it all: a chef of Samuelsson's magnitude should deliver better, and we deserve better from him. [Bruno, Sun-Times]

• Meanwhile, at the Reader, OSBMS has taken the week off (slow review week for everyone, it seems), and given the reins to the eminently capable Michael Gebert (he of the Sky Full of Bacon podcast, which we highly recommend), who visits P & P BBQ Soul Food (3734 W. Division, 773-276-7756). The non-Sula Mike hands it a rave: this simultaneous soul food eatery and serious barbecue destination pays equal attention to both facets of its dual identity, plays both hands brilliantly, and even manages to create culinary harmony that makes Gebert wonder why this hasn't been done a million times before. The aquarium smoker is helmed by Texas-trained, Chicago-perfected pitman Keith Archibald, and he churns out reliably juicy, smoky piles of meat. Plus, there's the feelgood element: 51-year-old owner Patricia Ann Parker has dreamed of opening a restaurant since she was a little girl, but was sidetracked by other jobs ranging from the post office to the Palmer House. But a brain condition affected her optic nerves, and she's now fully blind. Surrounded by family and friends who help with the sight-required matters, Patricia still knows exactly what to give to her customers:

"...Sometimes you want real soul food, get off that fried food,” she says. “You want that good home cooking, and everybody wants barbecue on the weekends.”

[Photo: Interior of C-House, via Affinia Chicago]

• Planning a picnic? Of course you are. It's simply not summer unless you're planning a picnic. So do it the well-informed way: a roundup of the best excuses, events, and locales, plus a handy guide to what you'll want to bring to supplement your blanket & basket. Those marching ants say gracias, Emily Le Beau! (We have just now arbitrarily decided that all Chicago-dwelling ants are Spanish-speakers) [Tribune]

• Speaking of fried peanut butter-and-banana sandwiches! Julia Kramer puts her investigative journalism hat on, and finds out why exactly it is that beloved menu items will just very rudely disappear from menus. Like the aforementioned Elvis-killer, formerly on the menu at Over Easy Cafe. Also missing: braised octopus at Avec, brisket panini at Vella Cafe, and the McRib you-know-where. [TOC]

Now how 'bout them thar reviews:

• Phil Vettel does a twofer, hitting up Brazilian all-you-can-eat-meat places Texas de Brazil and ZED451 this week. Mandatory groan-inducing-yet-endearing Vettel pun: "sometimes I think it's called "Brazilian style" because each meal contains a brazillion calories."
Phil one-stars Texas de Brazil and two-stars Zed451 (turns out the name is a head-scratchingly oblique reference to Fahrenheit 451! Who knew!). TDB is too salty, not quite as exciting as Zed's expanded offerings — the mini-chain doesn't restrict itself by the Brazilian rules of only seasoning with salt, and only using Brazilian cuts of meat. Also: totally exciting salad bar! [Vettel, Tribune]

• Over on the cheaper side of things, Epic Burger lands a solid three forks (out of 4) from Glenn Jeffers. The all-organic, eco-friendly patty joint is, in fact, epic — in the best possible way, with the juicy meat not even needing the various veggies and sauces sharing bun space. Additional awesomeness: the egg-and-pepper sandwich, and milkshakes that sound pretty darn heavenly. [Jeffers, Tribune]

•We're going to resist the urge to make "bro! dude! bro!" jokes and be serious for a moment: We are riding the Heather Shouse train right now. Her review of HUB 51, whose various claims to buzz we don't really feel we need to explain to you anymore, is one of those things that sits with us just right. Like a critical David, she knows where she stands vis-a-vis a Melman Goliath:

Regardless of the flaws, regardless of my personal feelings about the place, this isn’t the kind of restaurant that is shaken or even affected by reviews.

[Photo: Epic burger, via Joe M500's Flickr]

It was a slow week for reviews &mdash perhaps it was the heat? The rash of DOH closings? The fact that you were celebrating National Hot Dog Month by only eating hot dogs that you had personally prepared at home? Whatever the reason, approximately five of you decided to leave restaurant reviews. Of those five,* two have us a little bit concerned.

From an anonymous reviewer, on an anonymous restaurant:

I think the owner had snorted cocaine before attempting to make this menu.

From reviewer Jack, giving his form of support to Maravillas:

After a long night of binge drinking, nothing does me better in the morning/afternoon like a huge burrito and a cold mug of horchata...

Now, while we realize that the first anon is not copping to drug use himself, he clearly has a familiarity with it to the point where he can detect its influence in menu design. As for Jack, we gently point out to him that, among the other quite serious dangers associated with binge drinking (don't do it, kids!), binge drinkers in the UK are increasingly discovering that — ready for this? &mdash their bladders explode. Like, literally.

We don't want that, Jack. Both because we care about you as a fellow human being, and because if this happens to you, you won't be around to leave more reviews. Everything in moderation! Just say no! Get high on life!

*It was actually more than five.

[Photo: Puppy & beer (don't try this at home!), via everydayexplorer's Flickr]

On purpose, we left one of Pat Bruno's reviews out of today's review roundup. It's a review of Nacional 27, which not only is a restaurant that we went to with our ex-boyfriend for our twenty-first birthday like five (billion) years ago, but is also a restaurant that Bruno had previously reviewed, all the way back in 2001.

Our hope was that Bruno would use his re-review to redress some of the shortcomings of his turn-of-the-millennium musings. Like the part where he actually denies the science behind ceviche:

The theory behind seviche is that the raw fish is marinated in citrus juice, which suggests the idea that the juice ''cooks'' the fish. I don't buy that, but that's another story [emphasis added].

So we were thinking that in today's review, he'd recant his 2001 ceviche creationism. But no &mdash the only thing he says about Nacional 27's ceviche is that the hamachi mojito and ahi tuna-watermelon were much better than the halibut and shrimp varieties.

Another interesting element from 2001 &mdash if by "interesting" we mean "sweepingly scathing":

While I find some of the dishes here quite interesting, I am also aware of more than a few shortcomings. I am baffled, for example, by what the kitchen is attempting. I see a friction that grinds uncomfortably between the concept of what should be enjoyable culinary craft and fanciful flights of inspiration, more than a few of which do not exactly pan out.

It was obvious after but one bite that I was going to polish off the skirt steak. Certainly skirt steak is not the best cut of beef around, but in its simplicity there is unflagging enjoyment. Tender, flavorful, juicy, the steak got an accompaniment of mashed boniato (a type of potato) with a tangy avocado salsa adding an extra kick of flavor. [2001]

As for the grilled marinated skirt steak, I have had better and I have had worse. This one was a little tough around the edges and lacked that deep, grilled flavor that I associate with skirt steak that I have had, say, in a steak burrito. A form of guacamole and a salsa cruda flanked the steak, and both were kind of boring. [2008]

Ah well. What remains consistent, even after all this time, is the inconsistency of the quality. The ice cream sandwich is "a joke," calamari a la plancha was "squishy-bad." Give it another seven years, Bruno, why don't you?

Dinner dance [Sun-Times, 2008]
Nacional 27 [Sun-Times, 2001]
Nacional 27 [MenuPages]
Nacional 27 [Official Site]

[Photo via Nacional 27]

Having have expended valuable seconds of our life manually fixing the URLs of Chicago's Second-Favorite Newspaper, and in no way being bitter about it, on with the show.

• Two things confound us in the very first paragraph of Pat Bruno's review of Weber Grill. The first is the very existence a restaurant that is branded after an appliance.(To us, it smacks of summer festival faux-restaurant:the Weber Grill! Find us in the Food-n-Fun Tent between the KitchenAid Bread Basket and The Cuisinart Salsa Stand!) The second is the opening sentence:

I get a lot of e-mails in the summer (and around the holidays, too) that come from suburbanites who are heading into the city for the day or a weekend and want a recommendation for family dining without spending a small fortune.

• "Free-lance writer" (god, we love how the S-T hyphenates that. So medieval ronin!) Thomas Witom heads to Downers Grove to visit Borrowed Earth Cafe, a vegan raw-foods restaurant from the appropriately named husband-and-wife team of Danny and Kathy Living, which succeeds admirably with its tricky conceit. "Lasagna," "ice cream,""couscous," and "cheese" are just some of the quote-adorned mock items on the menu, and they all seem to pull it off with aplomb. [Witom, S-T]

• Witom's really working the suburb beat this week, as he also hits up Sage Bistro in St. Charles. The place could probably coast by on atmosphere alone: the tiki torch-bedecked patio overlooks the Fox River, and has live jazz on weekend evenings. But the seafood-focused menu does okay by our reviewer: he loves the shrimp de jonghe, the fruits de mare, and the work of the kitchen's two pastry chefs. [Witom, S-T]

• Meanwhile, over at the Reader, our secret boyfriend Mike Sula has visited Birrieria Zaragoza, a south-side joint specializing in birria, "a regional Jalisciense variant of the more widespread barbacoa, meat traditionally slow-cooked in a pit." Owner Juan Zaragoza goes through as many goats in a weekend as there are days in the week, steaming the meat for hours and then treating it with an ancho mole before cooking some more. They're served on tortillas made by a woman named Maria Guadalupe Jungo, who comes in a few days a week to man the press, and all in all it sounds like one of the greatest things on the green earth. Bonus: click here to watch a video of the birria being made! [Sula, Reader]

*Hush. We are from the suburbs.

[Photo: the sampler plate at Borrowed Earth, via spacekadet's Flickr]

• Chris Borelli sits down with playwright Tracy Letts at Dinkel's Bakery to discuss "Superior Donuts," Letts' followup to his Pulitzer-prize winning August: Osage County. Why donuts? "A doughnut shop just seemed like a good jumping-off point for a play that deals with a disappearing America, and a disappearing Chicago. . . I wanted to get into the idea of how these shops are gathering places for communities. That's gone away, I think." [Tribune]

• A comprehensive guide to beachside street food. Mango-leche paletas, ham tortas with mayo and pickled jalapeño, tamales with pork and salsa verde, and double-dogs all sound great. But it's the gazpachos &mdash "cucumber, watermelon, mango and pineapple, peeled and cut to order, then doused in lime juice, salt, cayenne pepper and orange juice" &mdash that gets our heart racing. [TOC]

As for reviews...

• Phil Vettel joins the ranks of L.2O-philes, four-starring chef Laurent Gras, who "does with fish what Green Zebra's Shawn McClain does with vegetables and Alinea's Grant Achatz does with damn near everything." Such language! The Trib is a family paper, Phil. Still, the descriptions of deconstructed baccala, shabu-shabu and its meta-incarnation as a noodle dish, and the glorious-sounding Gold Egg Yolk (pork belly, kampachi, and the titular yolk) sound obscene as well (in absolutely the best way). [Vettel, Tribune]

• Oak Park's got a new sandwich-and-pastry place, Eastgate Cafe. Some misses (PB&J on a hard french baguette - huh?), but the hits do fine by Trine Tsouderos, who welcomes the new spot to the neighborhood. [Tsouderos, Tribune]

• Heather Shouse goes outside city limits to Inari Sushi, in Elmwood park. Despite a clientèle described as "glittery bebe tops, Jersey hair and deep tans" (ugh), and only so-so straightforward sushi, the creative options &mdash while entirely inauthentic &mdash really shine (like the awesome-sounding sliced red snapper with ponzu, radish, fresh lemon and red grapes). [Shouse, TOC]

• In our opinion, ajasteak has a very dumb name. (Say it out loud. Get it?! It's an Asian steakhouse. Bleh.) With that strike already against it, David Tamarkin's laundry list of the restaurant's faults doesn't really help matters. There's the unpleasant fellow diners ("a pair of businessmen who, when they saw that they were about to be seated next to my decidedly unbusinesslike companion and I, sneered and ordered that they be delivered to another table"), the icky dining room ("the space seems better suited for a lounge-cum-Continental-breakfast-buffet á la Embassy Suites"), and &mdash the final blow &mdash the menu doesn't make up for it. While the wagyu steak is good, the sushi is "unforgivable," given the prices. Tamarkin gives it 3 stars out of 6, which seems overgenerous given the review. But who are we to judge? [Tamarkin, TOC]

[Photo: tuna & hamachi checkerboard at L2O, via lesleyk's Flickr]

We might have left our school days behind us, but we relish the opportunity to expand our knowledge. It's rare that we'll come across a new thing or a fun fact that doesn't make us jump up and down (sometimes metaphorically, sometimes literally). MenuPages reviewers are, as we've learned, wonderful teachers.

Reviewer "onastick" is clearly trying to tell us something (about our appearance? about our mental state?) in this review for Pockets:

the turkey chili is awsome for those cold winter nights and paired up with bread sticks and ranch dipping sauce its even better! don't be afraid to check this one out my fluffy friends!

While we don't necessarily think of ourselves as fluffy, we do like to think of ourself as fairly savvy on Kids These Days, flitting about with the 1337-speak and the txting and the being on our lawns. But we had never before encountered the emoticon that Anonymous gave us for Hollywood Grill. We shamefully admit that at first we thought it was a typo, but now we appreciate the counterpoint it provides to :P:

filling and satisfying food at any hour :9 the place can get super busy but the staff are very nice people.

And in closing, a virtually Homeric review from "almad," who is apparently quite the fan of Carnitas Don Rafa. We truly, seriously, deeply appreciate her explanation of the menu items, and her helpful hint (no, seriously) for replicating the restaurant experience at home:

We are a big fan of carnitas . Carnitas is a very famous Mexican dish. It consists of braised pork and can be eaten by itself. Everyone who loves pork has to try this. If you are adventurous there are different parts of the pork to be savored, but if you are like me I stick to just to meat (masisa). Don Rafa's carnitas are so juicy and flavorful. You can order a plate of carnitas which you can eat with hot tortillas, and the most amazing red salsa EVER!!!. They also give you a side of rice and beans. To tell you the truth I just order a Torta Don Rafa (A torta is a Mexican sandwich) ... a sure hit. But ... if for whatever reason you are not into eating pork .. there are plenty of amazing menu items to please the pickiest of eaters. They have lots of margaritas ... their specialties is the mechiladas (I know I am not spelling this right ... but try it and you won't care how it's spelled). The deserts are also good ... but we never leave room for them (hard to)

Their children menu consisted of a smaller version of the adults menu. They brought her a cup of simple tomato/noodle soup and she just loved it. When her plate of mini tacos arrived with a side of french fries she exclaimed ... "I like this restaurant". Something that made both my husband and I sooo happy. Ohhhh and when everything was over they gave her a small Jell-O with a nice little toy (she even brought out her 'Gracias' which she learned from Dora to the waiter)

Well ... for my summary ... I just love it ... love it ...love it. The food is amazing ... the price is awesome ... the staff is super helpful (I think it is the same staff from years ago ... always smiling)... the restaurant is so nice and clean (I dare you to go to the bathrooms ... there is even a real changing table for those with little kids). I love that it's kid friendly and that my daughter is looking forward to eating there again. Ohhh and if you want to take some carnitas home to eat later they sell them on the other side of the restaurant (take a lot of red salsa and then cook the carnitas with the salsa until the salsa is reduced ... then just heat up some corn tortillas and voila ... tacos).

• Mado is "redonkulous." (NB: that's a good thing.) [Chicago Gluttons]

• More Mado: Even better the second time around, this time for Spanish night. [Vital Information]

• Outside city limits, Louie's Grill in Forest Park is a classic: counter seating, banter-happy regulars, sassy waitresses. [Tasty Beat]

• All-natural beef burgers? Near-endless topping options? Nitrate-free bacon? Under $10 for the works? Yes please at Epic Burger. [Gastronomic Bypass]

• Where oh where is the perfect cubano sandwich? Is it at Cafe Marianao? Habana Libre? The search is on. [Chicago Dining Examiner]

• Emily Szopa got a reservation at Schwa! Let the countdown for her mid-August review begin... [Chicago Dining Examiner]

• Bland entrees, boring mole, thrilling desserts at Taqueria La Oaxaquena. [Chicago Bites]

[Photo: Cupcakes from Molly's, via zoxozo's Flickr]

First of all: we are horrible journalists. Yesterday we claimed that TOC landed the first big review of graham elliot, but astute readers have informed us that we somehow overlooked Pat Bruno's July 4 review, which robs TOC of the restaurant-review equivalent of commenting "FIRSTTTT!!!!!!!111!!!eleventy!!1"

We're inclined to blame our oversight on any number of factors, starting with the fact that on July 4, technically speaking this blog you are reading now actually didn't have an editor, and ending with the observation that nobody reads the freaking newspaper on July 4. But we are a grownup, so we will not make excuses. Ahem.

Suffice to say, Bruno awards Mr. Bowles 2.5 stars out of a possible 4 (since 2 is "good" and 3 is "excellent," we are going to call this "goodellent"), and on the whole seems much more pleased with his experience than the TOC folks were. In particular we find ourselves swayed by his description of the deconstructed Caesar salad, avec "brioche Twinkie." Sold!

Second of all: For dinner last night, we made the grilled chicken tacos with harissa mayo that appeared in Wednesday's Tribune. We deviated a little, using boneless/skinless breasts instead of thighs, and marinating them for a half hour in lemon juice, olive oil, and a metric ton of spices (cumin, smoked paprika, cayenne, some cajun mishmash), but hot damn that is a good weeknight dinner.

graham elliot [MenuPages]
graham elliot [Official Site]
Bowled Over [Sun-Times]
Grilled chicken tacos with harissa mayo [Tribune]

[Photo: Bowles's deconstructed Caesar salad, via SiFu Renka's Flickr]

• A gentle reminder from Monica Eng that you should be calculating your server's tip based on the pretax total, not the bottom line. Especially now that Cook County tax hikes are raising restaurant bills across the bar - restaurant patrons will be seeing a total of 10.75% appended to the total (10.5% sales tax, plus 0.25% restaurant meal tax). Cue commenter backlash... now! [Tribune]

• Barbecue aficionados Barry Sorkin (of Smoque BBQ), Robert Adams Jr. (of Honey 1 BBQ), and LTH Forum grand master Gary Wiviott weigh in on a blind tasting of local barbecue sauces. The winner? The house sauce from Robinson's #1 Ribs rose above its damning faint praise to best Hecky's, Sweet Baby Ray's, and others. [TOC]

As for reviews...

• Phil Vettel wanders down LSD in order to two-star Park 52, the most recent attempt to restaurantify Hyde Park, and finds it eerily reminiscent of owner Jerry Kleiner's earlier (and similarly-named) venture, Room 21. On the whole, though, the food is solid - if uninventive - and the scene is a welcome addition to Hyde Park's more or less desolate upscale-dining landscape. [Vettel, Tribune]

• Highest possible praise - four forks - to Galapagos Cafe and its winning synchronicity of Ecuadorean and Japanese cooking. The flan, apparently, is swoonworthy, and we found ourselves drooling over Monica Eng's descriptions of the sushi rolls and milkshakes. [Eng, Tribune]

• TOC drops the first official review of much-buzzed graham elliot, and finds that the servers -- and menu -- are still in need of a little refinement. Heather Shouse gives it a four of six stars: she isn't amused by the seemingly random deployment of kitsch-chic garnishes like cheez-its, malted milk balls, and nilla wafers on dishes that otherwise hold their own, but sees promise lurking beneath the surface, plus occasional flashes of brilliance. Still, the laid-back atmosphere (servers wear Graham-approved chucks and jeans) clashes with the birthday-dinner price point. [Shouse, TOC]

[Photo: seared tuna and roasted whitefish at Park 52, via Kids' Writer's Flickr]

• Chefs on growing their own produce: difficult, unpredictable, totally worth it. [Sun-Times]

• Lisa Donovan discovers Robert Wolke's 2002 What Einstein Told His Cook, and learns that her tomato sauce is secretly a battery. [Sun-Times]

• Lake Forest residents Bobbie and Roland Vogel, married for 54 years and with a combined age of 150, graduate from culinary school and start a catering business: "It's like 'bring it on,' " [Bobbie] said. "I finally figured out what I want to be when I grow up." [Sun-Times]

• The small plates juggernaut continues, with a new cookbook from Tony and Cathy Mantuano (Tony's the chef-partner at Spiaggia). Wine Bar Food deals with Mediterranean bites, plus pairings. [Tribune]

• Bill Daley encourages you to try fish sauce in home cooking. (For the record, we completely agree.) [Tribune]

• Turns out kids love their veggies, but moms (why don't they ever interview dads for this?) just don't buy them the kinds they like. [Tribune]

• Brazil's vintners are working hard to break into the top ranks of Latin American wineries, and acknowledge it's an uphill battle. [NewCity]

[Photo: Boy and cooked vegetables, via dabasir's Flickr]

One of our most vivid elementary school memories is of a teacher standing in front of the room explaining how a single word can be used in more than one way with the same meaning.

"You love your mom, right?" she said, and we nodded our heads.
"And you love cheeseburgers, right?" and we chirped our assent.
"But you don't love cheeseburgers the same way you love your mom, do you?" she concluded triumphantly. And we oohed and ahhed at the wonders of verbal nuance.

Of course, then we grew up, and we had some really excellent cheeseburgers, and we began to wonder if we didn't, after all, love cheeseburgers in perhaps the same exact way we love our mothers, which is to say that being near them fills us simultaneously with a sense of all being right in the world and also with a very strong desire to have a beer.

This week, MenuPages reviewers were also feeling the love. Some loves are quotidian:
• Anonymous on House of Wah Sun:

I love this place and anyone who loves Chinese food should stop by.

• Lisa from Oregon on Palace Grill:

I love the meatloaf and they have awesome bread.

Some loves are sublime:
• Anonymous on Simply It

I'm falling in love with Simply It.

• Anonymous on Thai Valley

I love Thai Valley... I love the people and especially the food... If you are ever around Wilson and Kedzie you have to try it you will fall in love.

But for every love that is good and pure, there is a love that makes our inner 12-year-old snicker and grin:
• An anon reviewer, for a restaurant that will go unnamed, but which might (we suspect) be the origin of all internet spam, ever:

i love asian meat. The best asian meat I'd ever had in my mouth.

So... maybe these are not all loves of the maternal-analog variety. We'll not think too much about it for now, and just let love exist as that delicate, beautiful, many-splendored thing that it is.

[Photo: Made With Love, via helenlikesyou's Flickr (um, that's us!)]

Summer is in full swing in the Chicago food mediasphere, with the Taste, hot dogs and pure, unadulterated fire dominating the headlines.

• Top five Taste deals, including Original Rainbow Cone's Patriot Cone: blueberry, vanilla and strawberry, the bounty of America on its birthday [Tribune]

• Mini-reviews of all the Taste items, as first seen on the Stew, featuring Vettel's famous "meh" [Tribune]

• Ice cream plus espresso (a.k.a affogato) is good; ice cream plus espresso plus cognac is better [Tribune]

• But our are there a lot of words on hot dogs today! The issue contains pieces on a bunch of classic hot dog stands around Chicagoland, plus a look under the hood of the dog and the always contentious ketchup conundrum. Is your favorite grease pit included in the roundup? You'll have to click to find out! [TOC]

• The pull quote from the entire series is: "Despite many complaints from mustard-faced customers, Gene & Jude’s didn’t even offer napkins until the ’70s. 'People would ask for napkins and Gene would hand them a hot-dog wrapper,' Joe says." [TOC]

• We will still never understand the endless, juvenile, largely irrational hatred Chicagoans have toward ketchup on their hot dogs. Does the red stuff really throw the balance of ingredients that far off? Hasn't anyone ever tried putting ketchup and mustard on their hot dogs? We can't think of a single analog in, New York, say, where a condiment-food item combination is so reviled that it's practically embedded in the city's core DNA. We're all for purism, but the extreme level of this ketchup thing is kind of a deranged application. We're not going to win any friends for this, but get over it! [TOC] (Then again, we have trouble being friends with people who order red meat well done. Or put peanut butter on their blueberry bagels)

• Wrapping up the frankfurter files, Hot Doug's is doing a design-your-own hot dog contest, and the winner gets their dog on the menu for a week. Which is actually not the world's most impressive prize, but it's really about the glory, right? [TOC]

• In other news...a scrappy pastry chef-turned-gelato maker...heavy metal vs. R Kelly in the kitchen...more Mexican than French at Mexique, which is not to say the tacos aren't tasty...progressive-sounding healthy concept Freshii falls flat with confusing ordering practices and mediocre salads

• Finally, in this week's Omnivorous, Mike Sula talks to the last guy delivering coal in Chicago (really?) and his two remaining customers, D'Amato's Bakery and Coalfire, the much-ballyhooed New Haven-style pizza place on Grand St. It's a nice story about the decline of one major Chicago industry that alludes to the rise of another major Chicago industry (restaurants).

Also, this reminds us of one our first targets for hypocrisy, Carbon. The name of the taqueria and their promotional literature imply that they cook with charcoal, and last April, we were appalled to discover that they actually run a gas-based operation. And we just called them again and it's still gas, and presumably forever more. But, as natural gas prices skyrocket and we remember that we're sitting on a few hundred years of coal reserves...who knows.

[Photo: an affogato avocado, best, via bigiain/flickr]

• Chicago chefs on what it means to cook "American" in 2008 [Sun-Times]
• Grapes: provider of wine, raisins, and now, the hot new oil [Sun-Times]
• East Rogers Park has arrived as a gentrihood via a wine shop [Sun-Times]
• An amazing wire story on optimal beverage service temperatures [Sun-Times]
• Bill Daley has a big feature on Bordeaux and its wines [Tribune]
• M.F.K. Fisher, celebrator of eating, would have turned 100 [Tribune]
• In hot dog taste test, Oscar Mayer trumps Vienna Beef! [Tribune]

Meanwhile, in NewCity, Mike Nagrant writes about New York celebrichef David Chang of Momofuku Ko fame and his recent decision to ban all photograph at his latest, greatest restaurant. Monica Eng and Chris Borrelli reported on the phenomenon of camera bans in the Tribune this last weekend in a piece that was largely sympathetic to Chang's argument: that the photographers were disrupting his cooks (who are right in front of the diners) and their fellow patrons. Other notable Chicago chefs seem to be sympathetic as well, which is precisely what worries Nagrant. If Chang is successful at banning photography at Ko, this could be the beginning of the end of food porn (although Chang plans to post his own Ko photos on flickr). And furthermore, whatever rights we have as diners — real or imagined — are being eroded and nothing is being done to stop it!

Well, it would definitely be unfortunate if amateur restaurant photography went away, but populist internet backlash may well be a strong enough force to keep such an eventuality at bay. Never give the customer an extra reason to hate you! Also, it may be that Chang's announcement was as much a publicity stunt as anything else. In the meantime, just don't use flash and no one will get mad at you, probably.

[Photo: a (blurry) photo of someone else taking a picture at Ko, via winyang/flickr]

Usually when reviewers declare a restaurant or a dish to be "the best" in Chicago or the world or in the history of space and time, they are talking out of their asses. Anyone with the breadth of experience to be able to credibly make such a claim would never have the audacity to actually do so. And if they did, it would be with qualifying remarks that show some self-awareness of the subjectivity of the opinion. For better or worse, none of these strictures apply to MenuPages reviewers! So, then, here are some of the "bests" of the past week:

• On June 26th, "Christi" claimed that Aroy Thai has the "Best Thai food ever":

I'm a picky eater and definitely a Thai food snob, and this place is fantastic! Now, if only they would expand their space to accommodate me and my friends and family, then I would be the happiest customer.

• On the same day, "Chuck Debbie Glen Alexis and Danielle" had a conference and decided that Zen Noodles is the "Best of the best in Chi-town Panasian":

Parking was not too bad and the food was simply the best We've ever had. We did it "Family Style" and got to try several different things in one shot. We had one vegan in the bunch and she was floored by the "Tofu Saute', especially the peanut sauce. The rest of us had different favorites of the four dishes we shared. The Green Curry Chicken was voted in at #1, a blend of green curry coconut sauce with Thai Basil leaves, veggies and chicken. A close second was the "Rama Chicken", a plate of cooked broccoli and chicken covered by a peanut sauce that is "out of this world good"(sounds simple but what's wrong with that). Surprisingly in at third was my original favorite, when it was Hi Riki's(sp?), "Basil Chicken". which is a dish flavored by what has become one of my favorite spices, Thai Basil. In at #4 was "Garlic Shrimp" which is a spicy blend of a garlic sauce covering perfectly sauteed shimp and other good things( can't remember). We were in Chicago for a week and I have to say that Chicago does live up to its reputation as one of the best restaurant cities in America. That's what should make our endorsement of "Zen Noodles" even more exciting for lovers of PanAsian food. Can't wait get back Chicago and Zen Noodles. Oh yeah, the serving sizes were fairly generous and the price was what you'd expect to pay in any city in the country.

• On June 27th, "Kenneth & Isik" judged Cousin's to have "The Best Lehmacun in North America":

My wife and I live in Minnesota. We drive 6 plus hours just to eat Demir Bey's lehmacun and pide. It is truly the best you will find in the USA. We been to several different restaurants that provides Turkish cuisine, but have never found anything that compares to Demir's. However, the most important of all he always make time to greet and have a chat with us.

• Also on the 27th, "bklyn" wrote a short review for Arturo's Tacos entitled "Great":

The Shrimp soup and Chorizo Tacos here are the best!!!! The price is right too.

• Finally, on the 30th, "Pat P." unilaterally declared the "BEST DONUTS EVER" to be from Old Fashioned Donuts:

I have been eating these donuts since 1973, and I have not tasted anything near these great tasting donuts. If you have not tried them you should . Not only do they have good donuts, they also have good food. The polishes and fries are to die for. Now that I live out of town, I only get them when I visit the city.

[Photo: Arturo's Tacos al pastor, via Fancy Toast (who calls them the best in Chicago, for what it's worth)]

• One of Chicago's more successful Peruvian restaurants, Ay Ay Picante impressed Bridget & Tammy enough to earn a 17/20 [Chicago Bites]

• Most of the restaurants participating in Kid's Restaurant Week excreted out the same mac and cheese that parents spend the rest of the year avoiding, but Coco Pazzo Cafe put some effort into it and made real adult dishes tweaked toward younger palates [Drive-Thru]

• For fried chicken without the leaden aftereffects, try Crisp's light and crispy Korean preparation [Chicagoist]

• It's a shame that Drake Bros.' Bookbinders soup is made with red snapper instead of turtle like in good old days, but it's very tasty anyway [Hungry]

• Super-healthy built-to-order salad spot Freshii is a good idea in theory, but the slow service and tasteless results make it less appealing in practice [Stew]

• Early word from graham elliot is, they're still finding their sea legs with respect to service, but you can't argue with their fat, juicy pork chops [Food Chain]

• A fabulous piece of parrotfish, among many other dishes at L.2O, succeeds at impressing...even if the dish's description was overwraught and possibly inaccurate [Food Chain]

• Pairing culinary minimalism with scratch cooking and a sophisticated sensibility about ingredients, Mado has been winning the affection of foodies and the praise of critics in the few months it's been open [Drive-Thru, Gourmet (the latter adapted from TOC)]

• While Margie's Candies may have gotten accolades in Forbes for having the best ice cream in Chicago, our local food corps has vehemently disagreed; just because a place is old and cramped doesn't mean it's great, and did you know that the science of ice cream-making has improved dramatically since the Depression? [Drive-Thru, Serious Eats Chicagoist]

• The vanilla-on-vanilla cupcake at Swirlz Cupcakes disappoints, but specialty flavors like Key Lime make a trip worthwhile [Chicago Bites]

[Photo: wonder what the fortune was...via mousiekm/flickr]

Reviews galore on this, the very last Friday of our employ. Oh yes, it's true; Independence Day will take on a myriad of meanings this year. (Don't worry! We're not abandoning our post for anything less lofty than post-graduate education, with the goal of yet increasing our insufferability.)

But enough about us; Mike Sula, David Hammond, and Pat Bruno have things to say about Pho Xua, Lincoln Korean Restaurant, Taqueria La Oaxaqueña, Ecuador Restaurant, L.2O, and Veerasway, respectively. They will soldier on, sowing the seeds of restaurant knowledge in the rich soils of their Chicagoland readership, whether we're here to criticize them or not. So let's get to it.

While much of the Reader is devoted to Best Of Chicago 2008 this week, there's still an Omnivorous, containing some of Mike Sula and David Hammond's favorite cheap ethnic eats.

Sula shouts out Pho Xua as an alternative to the hegemonic Hai Yen on Argyle Street, and is down with their Chinese-influenced, house-braised pork belly. He finds unusual accessibility at Lincoln Korean Restaurant on...Lincoln, of course, although actually, only 40% of the restaurants in our database with the word "Lincoln" in the name are actually on Lincoln Avenue — the rest are in Lincoln Park. We're escaping our point, though which is that Lincoln Korean has all the authenticity of those Lawrence Avenue no-English DIY places, but with the straightforward ordering process of, say, a Korean restaurant in...Lincoln Park. Finally, Taqueria la Oaxaqueña serves the fine cuisine of Oaxaca (i.e. mole, on rabbit no less!) at truly Mexican prices.

Hammond tell us that Restaurant Ecuador in Logan Square dabbles more in the country's coastal culinary tradition than that of the interior highlands. You can get black clam ceviche there, which is really all you need to know.

Bruno has a two-fer in the Sun-Times today, slobbering all over L.2O — he has good company in this respect — but coming in fourth, doesn't bring much new information to the table. Actually, not true! He's included a glossary of fancy words on L.2O's menu that we can't say we didn't enjoy reading. However, we must take issue with Bruno's theory that L.2O has "what is probably the shortest restaurant name ever;" on the North Side alone one can find Tut, Zia and Zad, and T's puts them all to shame.

Bruno also visits upscale Indian fusion spot Veerasway, which doesn't seem to...resolve its station in life to satisfaction. Like, why is the mutter paneer $14 when it's just peas and cheese? Then again, Bruno doesn't bother telling us how it compares to budget Indian places, so we're not really sure what to make of his judgment in this case. Speaking of, possibly our final pet peeve about Bruno's reviewing style is that he never writes a conclusion to his pieces. They end with the dessert, to be sure, but there's no tying together of the various strains of opinion littered throughout the review