Apparently there is some sporting event getting underway over in China that is so popular, NBC is covering it.

But before the Olympic athletes can get started with their sweating and huffing, there must first be a whole mess of pomp and circumstance. You'll probably watch the opening ceremony tonight, or else you'll Tivo it and keep it in your DVR forever because you are an uncultured boor if you erase it.

In addition to the big public ceremony, of course, there's one hell of a party for the heads of state. Unlike the recent G8 conference (perhaps because of it?) the menu for China's kickoff banquet hasn't made the rounds of the internet yet, but Xinhua News has the summary (all spellings [sic]):

The "royal lantern" assorted cold dishes, including crystal shrimp, beancurd sheet fish rolls, goose liver pate, leafmustard boiled with oil, and a thousand-layer beancurd cake, were served on a traditional Chinese royal lantern-shaped plate.

Specially-designed "Bird's Nest" seasonal vegetables have been served due to the special moment of Olympics, and the steak on lotus leaf and cod in soy sauce have combined Chinese and Western characteristics together.

Also on the banquet menu was the matsutake soup in "melon cup".

The guests were also served with a refreshment and fruit icecream.

Chinese-style food served to dignitaries for Beijing Olympics [Xinghua]
Athletes Fear Chinese Food Will Spoil Olympic Run [ABC News]

[Photo: topgold/flickr]

Can it be done? Since we are not, currently, in West Virginia (and also we do not, currently, have a death wish), we turn our powers of deduction to the matter.

Let's start in the obvious place: Champion gurgitator Joey Chestnut won the Nathan's Hot Dog Eating Contest on July 4 this year by eating 59 hot dogs in 10 minutes. That'd be an average of 5.9 a minute, right? But we were a little suspicious — that's like saying someone who does a 5-hour marathon is running 11.5-minute miles, whereas in reality the miles are much faster at first, and take longer as the race goes on. So we sat down in front of a YouTube video of this past July's contest, planning to count Joey's consumption over the first four minutes.

That failed. So instead, we turn to Gothamist's liveblog of the eat-off, and with some counting-backwards skills have decided that Joey Chestnut can eat at least 32 hot dogs in 4 minutes.

But what is that in terms of weight? Nathan's hot dogs are sold in grocery stores in 12-ounce packs of 6, weighing in at 2 ounces per dog. And we'll assume that Nathan's buns are more or less equivalent to white Wonder buns, which at 43 grams per bun convert to just about 1.5 ounces per bun. 2 ounces for the dog plus 1.5 ounces for the bun means that a full hot dog, Nathan's contest-style, weighs 3.5 ounces.

And how many 3.5-ounce dog-and-bun combos do you need to get up to 4 pounds? Just about 18.285 hot dogs — half what Joey Chestnut packed down.

So is eating the homewrecker dog in 4 minutes doable? Totally. Is it advisable? Not so much.

Gigantic horrifying hotdog -- 3.5lbs -- is free if you eat it in 4 minutes [BoingBoing]
The Mother of All Hot Dogs--HillBilly's Homewrecker [Al Dente]

[Photo of the homewrecker via Al Dente]

If you ask us, there are few greater joys in life than picnicking, and on the darkest of winter days, we often dream of sitting outside with a spread of delicious foods. Lucky for us, summer is here, and Philadelphia is full of parks perfect for laying down a blanket and feasting on whatever vittles you’ve brought. From now until we are ready to admit that it’s just too cold to eat outside, we will bring you a weekly post (just in time for the weekend!) on what sort of picnic fare you can find around your favorite local park.

First up is Penn Treaty Park in Fishtown, and more importantly, right on the Delaware. Somehow, it’s managed to stay somewhat uncrowded, although we don’t understand how, what with the beautiful view of the river and the bridge, not to mention the lovely breeze coming off of the water. In any case, this is good news for us (and now for you!), because it means more prime picnic real estate to choose from, be it in the sun or under a shady tree.

• If your idea of a perfect picnic is a spontaneous assortment of as many different treats as possible, Quince Fine Foods is just the ticket. The shelves are stocked with artisanal breads and imported cheeses, and one can’t go wrong with the “Quince Special,” which is lomo, manchego, and quince paste on a French baguette.

• Maybe though, your picnic is part of a courtship and something slightly more sophisticated is in order. If that’s the case, provisions from Bar Ferdinand, which serves a wide array of mouth-watering tapas and Spanish food, are sure to win over even the most serious eaters. Close your eyes while you bite in to the pixin con pancetta (a skewer of monkfish, pork belly, and rosemary) and you might find yourself transported to Spain – but is that really necessary when you’re in so nice of a spot already?

[Photo: bendystraw/flickr]

• Today's a lucky day for the Chinese. You'll need luck getting a reservation in a restaurant, church, event hall, or any other place that might have to do with a wedding [Xinhua]

• Could it be possible that those calorie counts popping up on chain restaurant menus are more complicated than they seem? [Los Angeles Times]

• As the 2008 Olympics kick off, a look at a different kind of "sport:" Competitive eating. [LA Times]

• Lunch has a new hero in actor Michael Douglas (natch). [Times Online]

Trolling Chowhound brought us to a thread about private/underground dining clubs, which subsequently led us to Fork In My Hand. The website is very parsimonious about information, but from what we can tell, it's sort of like Fight Club, but with food. Membership is reviewed by a "foodie panel" and applicants must answer questions like "do you love great food?" and "do you mind dining around strangers?"

It sounds over the top, but it's probably an exciting dining experience.

We finally gave in to the massive hype surrounding Mad Men and watched all of season one over the course of last weekend. Although we were stubborn to the end, it turns out that everything we'd read about it is true. The acting is superlative, the sets, costumes, and historical references completely impeccable, and the whole tone of the show really captures the tense, feverish excitement of the advertising industry in 1960.

What we weren't expecting, but were totally taken with, was the incredible attention to food and dining in 1960. Once it hit us that food comes up constantly on the show, we started scribbling down notes about everything they put in their mouths. (Dirty! But true.) After the jump, the Mad Men diet.

As excited as we are about this festival, once it's over, we'll have to face the prospect of waiting a whole year for the next one. Trouble is, going to one food-related festival always whets our appetite for more, so in preparation for the hole in our lives once the Pennsylvania Dutch Festival is over, we started looking into other Philly-region food festivals. Okay, so some of these are less "Philly-region" and more Pennsylvania, but we couldn't bring ourselves to omit a garlic festival.

• August 30-31 is the weekend of the Pocono Garlic Festival. A day trip to the Poconos sounds pretty alluring, because sometimes, you just need a little nature. If that's not compelling enough, we should tell you that in previous years, offerings have included garlic roasted pork, garlic ice cream, and garlic funnel cakes.

• The 3rd Annual Midtown Village Fall Festival will be happening October 4th. Look forward to sushi, cupcakes, beer, and so much more!

• Even urther in the future is The Book and The Cook: A Collaborative Culinary Adventure, spanning nearly a week in October. Slated restaurants include Fork, London Grill, and Bar Ferdinand, plus a whole crew of cookbook authors.

Fork [MenuPages]
Fork [Official Site]
London Grill [MenuPages]
London Grill [Official Site]
Bar Ferdinand [MenuPages]
Bar Ferdinand [Official Site]

You may not actually kill for fried chicken, but at least one guy was willing to take a murder rap for, among other things, a big pile of KFC and Popeye's.

An AP story on CNN today reports that Tremayne Durham, 33, of New York City, confessed to killing a former employee of an ice cream company after the company wouldn't give Durham a refund on an ice cream truck he'd bought. Savvy negotiator that he is, Durham saw a long string of potentially cruel and unusual prison food in his future and made a delicious plea deal:

Durham agreed to plead guilty to murder -- but only if he could get a break from jail food. The judge agreed and granted Durham a feast of KFC chicken, Popeye's chicken, mashed potatoes, coleslaw, carrot cake and ice cream.

After Wednesday's sentencing, Durham was to get the rest of the deal -- calzones, lasagna, pizza and ice cream, his defense attorney confirmed. They will pay the tab.

Fortunately for Durham, he won't have to walk the green mile, but he was able to get a hell of a meal out of the deal anyway. Just goes to show, no matter how dire the situation, it sometimes is possible to have your fried chicken and eat it, too.

Defendant trades murder plea for KFC, pizza [AP/CNN]
Final Meal Requests [Texas Dept. of Criminal Justice]

[Photo: jslander/flickr]

• Fresh or frozen, fish is the best. [MP: Chicago]

• It's the most wonderful time of the year for farms. [MP: Philadelphia]

• Are you counting calories and pennies? A farmers market could be your new best friend. [MP: San Francisco]

• Limoncello popsicle martinis? YES. [MP: South Florida]

• The latest victim of unsafe food stuffs? Boy Scouts. [Washington Post]

• When will people learn that pre-made sandwiches are a Bad Thing? [Boston Globe]

• As New York goes, so goes LA: calorie counts might be added to the menus at Angeleno chains. [LA Times]

• Not necessarily food-related, but did you know that there were two unrelated tiger attacks in Missouri within the past week? TWO! [Detroit Free Press]

• The ne plus ultra of tea services is probably that at the Ritz, if only because it’s at the Ritz.

• That said, afternoon tea at the Rittenhouse Hotel in the Mary Cassatt Tea Room is just as ritzy, and the room is truly magnificent.

• For those keen on going to tea, but unsure about something so extravagant, T-bar is a lower-key (and lower-cost) bet.

Coffee suddenly seems a little bit less special, no?

Mary Cassatt Tea Room [MenuPages]
Mary Cassatt Tea Room [Official Site]

[Photo: Lumpy Golightly/flickr]

“Parents want to feed their children healthy meals but America’s chain restaurants are setting parents up to fail,” said CSPI nutrition policy director Margo G. Wootan. “McDonald’s, Burger King, KFC, and other chains are conditioning kids to expect burgers, fried chicken, pizza, French fries, macaroni and cheese, and soda in various combination at almost every lunch and dinner.”

Besides being almost always too high in calories, 45 percent of the kids’ meals at the 13 chains studied by CSPI are too high in saturated and trans fat, and 86 percent are too high in sodium. That’s alarming, according to CSPI, because a quarter of children between the ages of five and ten show early signs of heart disease, such as high LDL (the “bad” cholesterol) or elevated blood pressure.

We hope you got a chance to check out the May article about Greensgrow Farm in the New York Times, because it was a really terrific read. We were happy to see Greensgrow get credit for all of their success, but it’s worth noting that while they may be the most famous and commercially successful farm in Philly, they are by no means the only agriculture happening within city limits.

In fact, Philly is something of a pioneer when it comes to urban gardening, because in addition to the multitude of community gardens throughout the city, we also have quite a few farms. It’s a victorious and commendable blend of grassroots activism, greening of the city, reclamation of abandoned lots, and for our purposes, yummy organic vegetables - grown locally, of course.

Some of the other top-dog farms include Somerton Tanks Farm, Mill Creek Farm, and Weaver’s Way Co-op Farm. Our winner for “Farm Most Likely To Be Made Into An Inspirational Movie” is The Seeds for Learning: Martin Luther King High School Farm, which operates out of MLK High School. The farm employs student workers who learn about sustainable growing practices and entrepreneurship. Not only do all of these farms grow sustainable crops and encourage community participation, they also all operate farm stands, so that anyone in Philadelphia has access to their crops of tomatoes, lettuce, peppers, and much more.

Where Industry Once Hummed, Urban Garden Finds Success [NYT]

[Photo: Andrew Morrell/flick]

In a relationship as tenuous and charged as that between server and customer, it seems like almost any mistake can be plugged into the phrase, "there's nothing worse than..."

It's just that, when you're hungry and somebody else is controlling the flow of food to stomach, you're really in their power. They can make you squirm with an action as minor as leaving a plate up on the order window for an extra couple of minutes if they want to. Of course, you have a fair amount of financial power over them, too in the form of that gratuity you'll calculate at the end of the meal.

Even though we all know tipping is customary here in the U.S., sometimes it escapes the casual or infrequent diner just how important it is to the livelihood of the service staff. In a review of the new book based on the blog Waiter Rant, Wall Street Journal writer Moira Hodgson reminds us:

A lot of customers don't seem to know that waiters are rarely paid a proper salary. In New York, where the minimum wage is $7.15, they receive just $4.60 an hour, with the assumption that tips will make up the difference. Waiting on tables is a job where the compensation depends on the whim of the customer, and [author Steve]. Dublanica has been working for tips for the better part of a decade.

However, in these increasingly lean times, when people don't want to give up dining out altogether, at least one news source found they are cutting back not just in drink orders or frequency of nights out, but in tips. To which we say, "booooo." An article in the Harrisburg, Pa. Patriot News, picked up by Nation's Restaurant News, found servers and bartenders reported getting smaller tip percentages in addition to smaller total sales.

This is a travesty, and we know our readers would never think of fudging the tip, but what of the friend handling the bill when a group goes Dutch? What are your options if that person leaves a smaller-than-appropriate percentage on the bill?

Well, you can raise a polite stink, acting like the small gratuity was a group mistake and that all ought to cough up another dollar or so. But that's awkward. You can quietly slide a few more dollars into the check folder, but why should you be stuck making up for somebody else's bad manners?

Unfortunately, the thing to do, it seems, is to be just a bit gauche and either set about the tip calculation yourself, on behalf of the group, or chirp up about making sure not to forget the 20 percent. Sure, it's uncouth, but hey, so is splitting the check to begin with. And there's nothing worse than when that doesn't work out.

Take Your Own Damn Order [Wall Street Journal]
For restaurant workers, economy eats away at tips [Patriot-News via Nation's Restaurant News]
How to split the check? [Chowhound]

[Photo: via respres/flickr]

• New at this Olympics: etiquette classes for all American athletes that include things like "don't spear food with your chopsticks." [WSJ]

• Food consumption at the athletes' village is insane: 9,000 bananas, 4,000 liters of cooking oil and three tons of rice per day. [China Daily]

• Health inspectors have been working overtime for months to make sure that China's food supply is safe for the athletes and visitors. [AFP]

• The Brazilian soccer team have decided to stay in the athletes' village (in the past, they've splurged for hotels and brought their own food), but are having a difficult time asking for menu changes. [Reuters]