Every Friday, we provide you with the best--and the worst--user reviews from the week. The following reviews are real, valid, submitted, unedited (except where marked) reviews from our various sites.

Honorable mentions:

i was a bit focused by menu...all the dishes seem the same!!!

If you want to spend $300 somewhere and be guaranteed post-date sex, this is the place to do it.

Pretty much across the board. Not one of us was pleased with the food, and really all we needed was basic bistro fare at [redacted], which seems to be slipping or something. It's a little like the Michael Richards rant. Avoid or prepare to be sad.

The Top (Bottom) Three Reviews after the jump

Third place goes to the person who used the word "sushies":

It is a shame to let a restaurant serve this kind of food, the sushies are full of fat, it is not healthy food, i would even add that it is dangerus!

Our runner up:

My grandfather, who stormed the beaches at Normandy came with me to [redacted]. He said that eating their was a worse experience than having his friends die next to him on d-day.

Our "winner" is the epitome of the ugly customer:

I approached the man at the counter and asked him if they had white American cheese, he condescendingly blurted out "No. American cheese is not white, it's yellow." and then stomped away, not looking at me the entire time. I subsequently told the man at the register and the hostess that yellow American cheese is welfare cheese and it is nasty, the man replying "White American cheese is very rare." Yes, well my opinion is that white American is not rare, it's just more expensive and tastes better, and that buying ingredients on the cheap gets you a negative review.

Moral of the last story? Be nice to the restaurant staff. Anyone have any other "ugly customer" stories? We're sure there might be more ...

Here at MenuPages, we are constantly updating our vast menu database. Every morning, we'll highlight five or so menu updates to bring you the latest in San Francisco culinary upheaval.

Today's updates: the Joseph Manzare empire. [Note: he was a chef at Postrio and is a partner at Tres Agaves. He owns Zuppa, Pescheria and Globe.]

• Pescheria, 1708 Church St (At 29th St), 415-647-3200
• Zuppa, 564 4th St (Btwn Brannan & Bryant St ), 415-777-5900
• Globe, 290 Pacific Ave, (At Battery St), 415-391-4132
• Tres Agaves, 130 Townsend St (At 2nd St), 415-227-0500
• Postrio, 545 Post St (Btwn Taylor & Mason St ), 415-776-7825

We digress.

Eight traditional grand Chinese cuisines exist: Anhui, Fujian, Cantonese, Hunan, Jiangsu, Shandong, Sichuan and Zhejiang. Let's break them down. Post-jump of course.

Anhui:

• Region: mountainous inland; southeast China along the Yangtze and Huai Rivers
• Characteristics: wild and exotic game; braises and stews favored over frying and stir-frying; signature dish is braised turtle with ham
• In SF: non-existent, though you'll be able to find Anhui tea just about anywhere in Chinatown, including Imperial Tea Court

• Region: southeast coast, across the strait from Taiwan
• Characteristics: visually impressive; seafood soups; those matzoh-sized fishballs you always see in Chinatown; signature dish is "Buddha jumps over the wall" (made from shark fin, sea cucumber and more)
• In SF: non-existent, though you can get Fujian fishballs in Chinatown and elsewhere if you look hard enough. The same goes for Fujian tea.

• Region: southern China
• Characteristics: the most commonly-known sub-cuisine in America; ingredient-wise, the most diverse of all the cuisines, due to the abundance of ports in Canton; very mild in comparison to other regions; seafood-centric; light seasoningsIn SF: Tommy Toy's, Oriental Seafood, Yet Wah

• Region: central China
• Characteristics: stresses oils; "dry hot" as opposed to Szechuan's "purely hot"; more oily, darker and hotter than Szechuan; traditionally seasonal; signature dishes include sweet & sour chicken, stinky tofu and orange beef
• In SF: Brandy Ho's, Hunan Restaurant, Henry's Hunan

• Region: eastern China, near Japan
• Characteristics: very soft textures; heavily seasonal and ingredient-based; duck is popular; similar to modern Shanghai cuisine
• In SF: Jai Yun makes many Jiangsu dishes

• Region: northeastern China (Jinan City, Jiaodong peninsula)
• Characteristics: seafood-centric but not shellfish); lots of shallots and garlic; known for its soups; similar to modern Beijing cuisine
• In SF: San Tung

• Region: southwest China
• Characteristics: the Szechuan peppercorn, chili paste, ginger and spicy herbs; often stir-fried and steamed; beef more common here than in other regions; singature dishes: Kung Pao chicken
• In SF: Spices, Spices II, Zone 88

• Region: east coast of China
• Characteristics: primarily seafood and poultry; emphasis on bamboo shoots; also similar to modern Shanghai cuisine
• In SF: Peking Restaurant (though barely)

Chinese Cuisine [wikipedia]
Chinese Cuisine: Eight Cuisines, Chinese Food [Travel China Guide]

• Pollo Asado: good in combination with other meats (like pastor), but not so hot on its own. [Burritophile]
• La Toma Taqueria: reviewed. The cheese: not melted. The construction: infallible. The result: 8.08 mustaches. [Burrito Eater]
• Becks & Posh, fresh off a tiff with the big-shots, decides to make Hot Cross Buns in order to make the house smell like Easter. [Becks & Posh]
• Speaking of strong odors, Michael Bauer does not like cologne. And you thought blogs just covered worthless fodder. [Between Meals]
• And, in case you missed the whole no-more-plastic-bags-in-SF deal earlier this week, SFist has a nice lil' recap. [SFist]

Passover's right around the corner. If you haven't been invited to a seder yet, the next best option is to seek out some delicious brisket on your own. Unfortunately, as you probably know, this isn't New York. Hell, this isn't even Los Angeles. Suffice to say, San Francisco's brisket options are few and far between. But have no fear; using our spaceage MenuPages technology, we've uncovered some brisket options guaranteed to be so delicious that you will forget all about the subsequent loss of your reproductive cells.

After the jump, brisket from the East Coast and the Far East.

If you want to bite the bullet and try out the closest thing the Bay Area has to an old-school Jewish deli, head to Polk Street's East Coast West Deli. All the usual suspects, from chopped chicken liver and smoked sable to pastrami and (yes) brisket, are represented in their entirety. The brisket is sliced right in front of you and everything. You'll find a similar yet more upscale feel at the California Street Delicatessen & Cafe, nestled within the Jewish Cultural Center. Fork-tender meat for $9.95 per pound can't be beat, especially if you live in the Marina area, where cheap eats are at a premium.

That's about it for options in the traditional brisket realm, which means it's time to think outside the box. Barbecued brisket is a known and recommended commodity at Memphis Minnie's and Big Nate's. For a gourmet, French-inspired spin, try to catch the brisket sandwich special at Mistral Rotisserie Provencale in the Ferry Building.

At the famous Tadich Grill, tourists and natives are too busy attacking the lauded seafood to notice the traditional boiled brisket, accompanied by petite marmite, potatoes and vegetables. Is it better than the sand dabs, crabs and oysters? Maybe not, but it'll satisfy your brisket yen.

Finally, our sleeper picks for a good brisket involve two Asian restaurants. First, the Sunset's Pho Hoa Hiep offers traditional Vietnamese noodle soups with several cuts of beef, including brisket. For something a little heartier, Emmy's Chinese Restaurant on Ocean Avenue has been serving up a brisket in a clay pot for years. For a mere $6.50, it can't be beat. Spicy and hot, it's just the thing for another foggy day in the Sunset, because we hear those are pretty common over there.

Have suggestions for the next edition of Scanning the Menu? Drop us a line.

The best part about the experience was the ambience. The interior feels like a French plantation home in Vietnam. It was obvious people were having a good time. While the food may no longer be transporting, the surroundings certainly are.

Earlier in the week, Bauer did cartwheels over Napa's Go Fish. Cindy Pawlcyn's restaurant represents the upscale sushi destination that everyone knew was coming to the wine country; however, as Bauer points out, Pawlcyn decided to go above and beyond sushi, including " just about every iconic permutation of seafood imaginable--West Coast oyster bar, classic Asian sushi bar, East Coast-inspired clam shack." Getting high marks: the salt-encrusted prawns ("so expertly fried we could eat them shell and all") and a modern take on fish and chips, fried smelt and shoestring potatoes.

Elsewhere in reviews, Meredith Brody takes a lesson in geography and tackles the only Istrian restaurant on the West Coast, North Beach's Albona Ristorante Istriano. Classic ambience and cuisine make Albona a delight:

Albona is located on a quiet residential block, seemingly worlds, rather than a few streets, away from the bustle of both North Beach and Fisherman's Wharf. Inside, the simple room also feels timeless ... It's the kind of room I could see James Joyce, a famous resident of Trieste, dining at in the 1920s. Almost every table in the snug room was occupied; I loved the big round table we got, near the steps that led up to a small pantry, beyond which you can glimpse the steamy kitchen.

The SF Bay Guardian sends L.E. Leone out to Papalote Mexican Grill; Leone can't understand why a Mexican place would not have carnitas. The carne asada, though, is heavenly. The soyrizio (shockingly), not so much.

Just in time for the upcoming nice weather, San Francisco magazine gives us the five best beer destinations in the Bay Area, while The Contra Costa Times makes us pine for a European springtime with its review of Concord's The Mediterranean.

Here at MenuPages, we are constantly updating our vast menu database. Every morning, we'll highlight five or so menu updates to bring you the latest in San Francisco culinary upheaval.

Today's updates: North Beach favorites.

• Cafe Delucchi, 500 Columbus Ave (At Green & Stockton St), 415-393-4515
• Citizen Thai & the Monkey, 1268 Grant Ave (At Vallejo St), 415-364-0008
• Moose's, 1652 Stockton St (Btwn Union & Filbert St), 415-989-7800
• Ristorante Ideale, 1315 Grant Ave (At Vallejo St), 415-391-4129
• The Helmand, 430 Broadway ( Btwn Montgomery and Kearny St), 415-362-0641
  

• If you do one thing for the rest of the day, we beg you to make reservations for one of Incanto's special meals. April 8th is the Incanto Easter Supper, May 21st is the 4th Annual Head-to-Toe Dinner and June 11th is the Sicilian Mattanza Dinner. You'll hear plenty more about these events as the dates near.
• Speaking of big dinners at the best Italian restaurants in the city, La Ciccia is offering four-course family style Sardinian meals once a month for the next three months.
• At Firefly, there's a $35 prix-fixe menu on Sunday through Thursday. The diner gets to choose any appetizer, entree and dessert from the regular menu. Plus, all the meat comes from "happy, never mad, drug free animals." SF's the best, isn't it?
• Neighborhood gem Chenery Park is now selling raffle tickets for the annual Glen Park Festival. We love raffles! And festivals!

Welcome to The Drink Menu, wherein we'll take a break from our restaurant and food-related madness and focus on the subtleties and happenings of our other passion: alcohol.

Just when you thought that the wine bar boom was starting to quell, a veritable plague of vino-destinations has swept over The City, more potent than ever. Since it's a bit tricky to weed out the also-rans from the hidden gems, we turn to the small army of Bay Area bloggers for their opinions on the wave of new wine bars.

Post-jump: Rouge et Blanc, District, Yield and naked people in trees.

Rouge et Blanc: According to Vinography, the former space of Enoteca Viansa "has kept most of the good things about the bar and gotten rid of most of the bad." About 15 wines are offered by the glass and about 30 are bottle-only. The relatively short wine list is predictably French-influenced, but unfortunately, so is the indifferent staff.

District Wine Bar: District, in its second week of business, didn't make the best of impressions on Ms. Gastronomie. In a nutshell, she thought of the SOMA spot similarly to, say, a Ferrari: absolutely beautiful in design yet thoroughly impractical. Like Rouge et Blanc above, District also had service issues. Are we sensing a pattern?

Yield Wine Bar: It was only a matter of time before San Francisco got an organic wine bar, and it was only a matter of time before "the organic people" got a hold of blogging software. Green Girls Global checked out the Dogpatch's newest addition. The result? The gals praised the wine bar's quaint intimacy, while poking fun at pretentious furniture: "No chairs that look like they belong in a museum instead I sank into a long couch with a wooden table that definitely was made with recycled wood from what could’ve been a fallen tree. It was very rustic."

Well, at least we know where those naked Berkeley treehuggers got their liquid courage.

This past February brought a mayoral affair, the advent of spring training and perhaps most entertaining of all, the annual Whole Hog dinner at Oliveto. Just in case you missed it, here's an excellent photo recap, courtesy of Andrew Lin via Flickr.

Pig Brains and Bacon Ice Cream after the jump ...

Oliveto, The Whole Hog 2007 [Flickr]

Here at MenuPages, we are constantly updating our vast menu database. Every morning, we'll highlight five or so menu updates to bring you the latest in San Francisco culinary upheaval.

Today's updates: the Ritz and nearby upscale French options.

• The Dining Room at the Ritz-Carlton, 600 Stockton St (Btwn California & Pine St), 415-773-6168
• The Terrace at the Ritz-Carlton, 600 Stockton St (Btwn California & Pine St), 415-773-6198
• The Lobby Lounge at the Ritz-Carlton, 600 Stockton St (Btwn California & Pine St), 415-773-6198
• Vignette, 665 Bush St (At Powell St), 415-956-2972
• Masa's, 648 Bush St (Btwn Powell & Stockton St), 415-989-7154
  

Yesterday evening, a Scotts Valley (near Santa Cruz) woman was exiting the local Safeway when she decided stop in the parking lot to scratch her "Cherry Tripler" (get your mind out of the gutter--it's a lottery ticket). Well, apparently, she tripled her cherries or whatever it is you have to do to win a large sum of money. What happened next is the stuff of legends:

When the woman realized she was holding a $5,000 winning "Cherry Tripler" ticket in her hands, she raised the ticket above her head, exclaiming, "I won."

Ball reports that at that moment a man with shoulder-length blond hair rode past the woman on a rust colored cruiser-style bicycle, plucked the ticket from her outstretched hand and sped away.

$5000 Lottery Ticket Snatched By Bicyclist [abc7news]

Earlier this week, the James Beard Foundation announced the nominees for its annual awards honoring the best chefs, restaurateurs and food writers from around the country. Before tackling the Bay Area nominees, let's take a look at the "big" categories.

Best Restaurateur: Thomas Keller (French Laundry), Keith McNally (Balthazar), Richard Melman (Lettuce Entertain You), Drew Nieporent (Myriad Rest. Grp.) and Jean-Georges Vongerichten (Jean Georges)

Best Chef: Tom Colicchio (Craft), Lee Hefter (Spago), John Joho (Everest), Paul Kahan (Blackbird), Michel Richard (Michel Richard Citronelle)

Local nominees after the jump ...

Newpaper Feature Writing With Recipes: Stacy Finz, San Francisco Chronicle, "Thanksgiving 101; Turkey Training Camp" and Janet Fletcher, San Francisco Chronicle, "Bringing Duck Home"

Newpaper Section: San Francisco Chronicle, Miriam Morgan and Jon Bonne

Television Food Special: "Check, Please! Bay Area" Host: Leslie Sbrocco, KQED Channel 9

Television Food Show, Local: "Bay Cafe" Host: Joey Altman, KRON-TV and "Check, Please! Bay Area" Host: Leslie Sbrocco, KQED Public TV

Outstanding Restaurant Award: Boulevard, Nancy Oakes & Pat Kuleto

Rising Star Chef of the Year: Nate Appleman, A16

Outstanding Pastry Chef Award: Elisabeth Pruiett and Chad Robertson, Tartine Bakery

Outstanding Wine and Spirits Professional Award: Paul Draper, Ridge Vineyards (Cupertino); Dan Duckhorn, Duckhorn Vineyards (St. Helena); Helen Turley, HTM Consultants/Marcassin Winery (Calistoga)

Outstanding Service Award: Terra, Hiro Sone & Lissa Doumanie (St. Helena)

Best Chef: Pacific Division: Traci Des Jardins, Jardiniere; Douglas Keane, Cyrus; Roland Passot, La Folie; Craig Stoll, Delfina; Michael Tusk, Quince

• Continuing his national tour, the BauerBlog headed to New York and was not very impressed with two of Manhattan's newer (and lauded) hotspots, L'Atelier de Joel Robuchon and Devi. According to the great MB, Robuchon's new spot was thoroughly o-k. The cuisine wasn't terribly original and despite some outstanding dishes (like the foie gras mousse), it was a surprisingly expensive meal that was simply not in the same league as Per Se, Alinea or even the Bay Area stalwarts. He had similar thoughts on Devi; though Devi was impressive in its own way, Palo Alto's Junnoon is still preferable in the upscale Indian department. [Between Meals]
• Pim at Manresa, the photo series. Wow ... just wow. It's photos like these that remind us why Manresa is consistently ranked at the top of the Bay Area food chain, right next to The French Laundry. [chez pim]
• Becks & Posh, experimentin' in the kitchen.[Becks & Posh]
• Our favorite spelunker, closin' down restaurants. [Dive]
• Speaking of negative news, don't be in a hurry to check out District Wine Bar, unless of course, you want beef carpaccio "slathered" in bottled Caesar-salad dressing. Hm. [Gastronomie]
• Of the 50 signs that you might be an asshole customer, our favorite is #20: "You get sat five minutes before closing and say 'We don’t want to be rushed.'" #31 and #42 are up there too. [Waiter Rant]

After the jump: Bauer tries something new and something old, the Chowhounds get down and more ...

• And so it begins. The Presidio Social Club opened to some fanfare earlier this month (our review post is coming up). The PSC, as it's been dubbed by "those in the know" (um, us?), serves up traditional American plates and some with a modern Californian flair. The fusion between modern and traditional is not unlike the City itself. In fact, the PSC, sitting in the midst of the Presidio, really does some like a San Francisco institution already. Here's hoping it survives the opening jitters.

• One of our favorite cuisines just got another restaurant. Karamanduka, a new Peruvian restaurant in the Richmond, represents the South American staples quite well. Tthe cool thing about Karamanduka is the story behind the restaurant's inception and naming. It's a good little read. We recommend.

• Jovino, a charming little wine bar/coffehouse amalgam, opened in Cow Hollow. Finally, just what the Union/Fillmore area needs: another place to drink!