With Slow Food Nation all around, a Civic Center marketplace of local, sustainable foods, and every retailer in the city jumping on the bandwagon, it could be easy to make all kinds of grand lifestyle decisions this weekend—“Who says it’s hard to be a locavore? Look at all this stuff”—but what about in January, long after the fruit stands are packed up, when school or work or whatever it is you do is in full swing, where will your new-found values get you then, in the face of Egg McMuffins and Pop Tarts?

I chatted on the phone with food politics whiz and general cage-rattler Michael Pollan yesterday about how to incorporate some slow-food values into one’s day-to-day life. How does one stay a responsible eater when one is busy as all hell? Can you still go to restaurants without ruining the planet? And what’s this all about, anyway?

“There’s been a lot of effort to complicate [the issues],” Pollan said, but in fact, the global effect of your food is simple. “In general, the closer your food is grown to where you eat it, and the less it is processed, the lighter its carbon footprint.”

“Sometimes the drive to complicate things is done in the interest to frustrate people’s desires to do the right thing,” Pollan told me.

Wait, that sounds awfully nefarious. Who would complicate important issues like this on purpose?

“The food industry is always trying to confuse the issue… If you have a sugary cereal and you slap a health claim on it, what are you doing but confusing the issue?”

Pollan pointed out that the highest-impact foods at the store, from an environmental and health point of view, are the highly processed ones, as well as meat, eggs, and dairy. In his most recent book, In Defense of Food: An Eater's Manifesto, he advocates shopping around the edge of the grocery store, where you find dairy, meat, produce, and bread, and avoiding the middle, where you find Hot Pockets, Pop Tarts, and Fruit Roll-Ups.

Pollan laid out three simple metrics by which to determine how damaging your food is to the planet, and yourself:

• Find out the animal’s feed. Grass-fed beef makes less of an impact than grain-fed. Most grass-fed or otherwise sustainably produced meats are labeled as such in gigantic letters.

• How processed is your food? The more that happens to it between the field and the table, the more resources it absorbs and the more nutrients are sapped. “In general, processed food like that [Pop Tart] takes 10 calories of fossil fuel energy for every one calorie of food energy," Pollan said.

• How far does it travel? The closer to you that your food is produced, the better.

Okay, that’s great and all, and most city-dwellers have access to some Berkeley Bowl equivalent, but dude, who shops for groceries? Many of us eat at restaurants almost all the time. And traveling? Hell, how are you supposed to stay responsible in an airport?

“When I’m on the road I tend to avoid meat unless I’m a place where I know where they get their meat,” Pollan said. “There’s one restaurant in every city these days that’s conceived in the spirit of Slow Foods and Chez Panisse, so I try to find out where that is, and, you know, just keep it simple.” God, he’s unflappable.

“If a restaurant offers grass-fed meat, I’ll order that. I want to support that industry and I really like it,” Pollan said. “I don’t order conventional meat that hasn’t been grown sustainably. I’d be much more likely to order fish, avoiding big, predator fish… those are the ones that are in most danger. Things like tuna and swordfish.”

But Pollan pointed out that there are sustainable fisheries, such as salmon in Alaska. “If it’s wild salmon from Alaska, they’ll usually tell you… More and more, restaurants will tell you where their food comes from and how they source it because it’s a selling point… that’s a very positive development.” You can print out a guide of sustainable seafood from the Monterey Bay Aquarium.

Neat. So where do you eat out, Michael Pollan?

“I really like restaurants where the chefs are serious about sourcing their food and elevate quality of ingredients over technique. To me, that’s what I really like. And I like pretty simple food. I don’t like fussy food.”

Pollan mentioned Chez Pannisse Café right off the bat, of course. “I love Picante, Oliveto. In the city I like Zuni Cafe, Quince.” He also mentioned Kirala, Cesar, and Saul’s deli, in Berkeley, and the new Camino, Pizzaiolo, in Oakland.

Pollan naturally wouldn’t single out an event this weekend as the most important, but he made an interesting point about the planning: “The architects they recruited for this—people in the restaurant business should pay attention to the design.” So there you go, restaurateurs. Get those business cards.

As for the rest of you, hey, good luck getting in to hear Pollan speak this weekend. Most of his events are sold out. But you can check through the Slow Food Nation schedule just in case, and also keep up with the man via his own website. He speaks publicly all the time. Come next busy January, catching a lecture might help you stay off the Pop Tarts a little longer.

Slow Food Nation [Official Site]
In Defense of Food: An Eater's Manifesto [Amazon]
Chez Panisse [Official Site]
Seafood Watch [Monterey Bay Aquarium]
Michael Pollan [Official Site]

[Photo: via ">Ken Light/Michaelpollan.com]

We started BootCamp SF (again) last week and for the remining five weeks of the program we have try to remember that it doesn't matter how many hills we sprint up or how many lunges we do carrying medicine balls--it's all in vein if we have a morning bun from Tartine with our coffee or macroni and cheese for dinner. But to keep things interesting, most of our thoughts focus on high fat content and cake. Yes, cake. We don't even really like cake and yet, cake seems to be the only thing we can think about. Well, that and our quads.

To help put our cravings in perspective, we've been scrolling through the often hysterical posts on Cake Wrecks . The picture above comes from the "Bring A Whole New Meaning to "Foot in Mouth" post back on July 26 and we're not sure what's worse, the fact that the cake was made for a podiatrist or the fact that's actually supposed to represent Chinese foot binding.

Yum, right? Now if only we can find a blog about macaroni and cheese disasters.

Cake Wrecks [Official Site]
Tartine Bakery [Official Site]
Tartine Bakery [Menupages]

[Photo via Cake Wrecks Offical Site]

On the subject of that whole nectarine dessert that's causing such a fuss: While we haven't been in touch of any representatives from Zuni Cafe, personally, we just thought it would be worth pointing out a comment over on Eater SF that appears to have been left by a Zuni rep:

Yikes! If the customer who posted this photo was charged $8.00 for the nectarine it was definitely an error. We would love the customer to contact us with their receipt and we would be more than happy to refund the entire amount for the fruit. Checking our menus, the Blossom Bluff Summer Grand nectarine was on our dessert menu from July 29-31st for $4.50. The only $8.00 item on the menu was a pot de crème, listed directly above it. Our computers were programmed with those prices so we are not sure how it happened, but the customer should not have been charged $8.00.

Zuni's Nectarine Dessert Leaves Something To Be Desired [Eater SF]
Zuni Cafe [MenuPages]
Zuni Cafe [Official Site]

You may be interested in the Drew Nieporent interview in BlackBook today. The owner of the recently shuttered Rubicon doesn't get into a lot of San Francisco stuff, but he talks about the early days of starting up the Tribeca Grill. Between this interview and Michael Bauer's piece from last week, one can get a pretty decent glimpse into the mind of one of the biggest restaurant moguls going. Who's going to be the first to comment on the typo in BlackBook's Headline and photo caption?

Power Players: Drew Nierporent, Emperor of Eats [BlackBook]
New York vs. San Francisco: How the coasts dine
Rubicon [MenuPages]
Rubicon [Official Site]
Tribeca Grill [MenuPages]
Tribeca Grill [Official Site]

Tech blogger Toby Segaran stumbled into our sphere of interest Saturday when, while sharing a method for plotting points on Google maps, he decided to use San Francisco restaurant health inspection scores as a sample project. This doesn't seem to have every single restaurant in San Francisco, but it sure has a lot. And isn't the clustering neat? You can see a full-sized, interactive version, plus learn how to make your own, at Segaran's site, kiwitobes.

A San Francisco Restaurant Health-map (with code) [kiwitobes]

[Image: via kiwitobes]

Say what you will about San Francisco's city government (you'd often be surprisingly right, you bitter old thing), when it comes to health inspections, we're apparently number one in the nation. Or we have some incredibly lax standards. Let's just go with the former.

In a study published today, the Center for Science in the Public Interest investigated 539 restaurant inspection reports from 30 U.S. cities, and found, according to ABC News, that more than 66 percent had at least one "high-risk food safety violation."

But San Francisco ranks right near the bottom of that list, with just 15 violations in the 30 reports submitted, only two of which were considered critical. Contrast that with pack leader Austin's 58 violations, 10 of which were critical. Of course, the lack of violations could mean two things, as ABC picked up on:

Over a quarter of restaurants received citations for contaminated food contact surfaces - 22 percent of restaurants were cited for improper food storage temperatures - 13 percent of restaurants were hit with violations for the presence of rodents and/or insects

Restaurants in Austin, TX and Boston, MA had the highest number of critical violations, according to the report. Tucson, AZ and San Francisco, CA had the fewest violations. However, the report notes that cities have varying inspection standards and that "it is difficult - if not impossible" to determine whether greater numbers of violations were simply a sign of more zealous food safety inspectors.

Dirty Dining [CSPI]
Hold the E-Coli, Please [ABC]
Find a Score [San Francisco Department of Health]

[Photo: via ianonymous/flickr]

San Francisco sure has its panties in a bunch about pizza right now. First Michael Bauer comes out with his (albeit subjective) list of the Bay Area's six best pizzas. Then San Francisco Bay Guardian editor Tim Redmond — not normally a big food writer &mdash snaps at Bauer in a blog entry:

You want the world's best pizza? Here it is. I grew up eating it, I still know the phone number by heart, the guy who made me pizza when I was a kid still owns the place and there are no goddam squash or truffles or fontina (whatever the hell that is) in the place. I wish he delivered to Bernal Heights.

This is not to say that Bauer is right with his recommendations. You need to figure that stuff out for yourself. If pizza is the comfort food to you that it obviously is to Redmond, you're probably better off at Serrano's Pizza than anywhere else, but if you're the adventurous type and see truffles, fontina, and arugula as potential enhancements rather than transgressions, well, Bauer's got you covered with Oakland's Pizzaiolo. The list might be subjective and debatable, but even if you disagree, picking those underwear out of your crack over a dynamite slice can be part of the fun of being a true pizza connoisseur.

Six of a Kind: Pizza / Slice of Heaven [SF Gate]
The best pizza? Yagottabekiddin. [SFBG San Francisco Blog]
Serrano's Pizza [MenuPages]
Serrano's Pizza [Official Site]
Pizzaiolo [Official Site]

[Photo: via rick/flickr

The good people behind OkCupid (the popular, free dating website known for their quirky Q&A matching system) launched Crazy Blind Date in San Francisco earlier this year. The idea is simple: you wanna meet up with someone new, like, ASAP, but you don’t want to deal with filling out an online dating profile or asking your coworkers to set you up for the evening. So you log into the site, give them some basic information about yourself and you’re off. Thanks to the wonderful advancements of 21st century technology, CBD is able to match people from a restrained database and get back to them with a date suggestion and a list of places to meet up.

Here’s how it went down for us:

We wanted to grab a drink after work so we indicated that we were looking to meet up between 8PM and 9PM. We didn’t want it to be a big ordeal so we said we would be willing to meet up in SOMA or the Financial District. We said we were looking for “a little conversation and a night cap.”

A couple hours later we got a text message and email letting us know they found a date for us. After checking out their specs and written responses it seemed harmless so we reviewed the extensive list of meet-up options and settled on a location. The nice thing about picking a location on CBD is you get both food and drink options and there seems to be a scene and vibe for all seasons. Even better, if the list provided isn’t good enough, there is the option to “make a few changes,” which gives you an even longer list that covers a larger area. Clearly CBD has partnered with the city’s more reputable restaurants and bars, but fear not, you’re given the opportunity to review the place you end up at after the date so don’t feel like you have to love Aqua (which, incidentally, was on our list).

In case you were wondering, our date was on time. Our date was cute. The conversation was easy and the venue was great. We ended up at John Colins because we had already eaten dinner, and we (date included) were very happy with the location.

John Colins is definitively SOMA--exposed brick walls, dim lighting, upper loft-like area, neo-soul spinning on the ones and twos and a crowd that keeps you thinking. Even better, the bar is not only fully stocked, but they carry some of the best premium liquor available (any bar that stocks the entire line of Hangar One vodka gets an A in our book). Of course, as cool as John Colins was, most of our attention was focused on our delightfully charming date and we anxiously await a second meeting.

Thank you Crazy Blind Date for a (seemingly) randomly, wonderful evening.

Aqua [Menupages]
Aqua [Official Site]

Photo: John Colins by bluepulse

Well, the results are in and the whining has begun. Michael Bauer has published his annual list of the Bay Area's top 100 restaurants, and some exceptions and additions have caused much discussion on his blog as well as forums such as Yelp and Chowhound (where Robert Lauriston, SF Weekly critic, got the discussion going).

We certainly don't envy Bauer his monumental annual task, and while we don't agree with all his choices (really? Not a single Mexican restaurant? Not even your dubious regular La Taqueria?), we do respect his final list. It's a solid, if subjective, roundup.

We've also got to hand it to Bauer for dashing off a couple sentences of explanation regarding each cut. Some had closed, some had slipped in quality and some had been edged out, but he did explain himself, which he didn't have to do.

Top 100 Bay Area Restaurants [SF Gate]
Who's out of the Top 100 -- and why [Between Meals]
SF Chronicle Top 100 [Chowhound]
Michael Bauer's/The Chronicle's Top 100 Bay Area Restaurants for 2008 are.... [Yelp]
La Taqueria [MenuPages]

We imagine our parents laughing while reading New York Times wine critic Eric Asimov's article over whether or not to let his 16- and 17-year-old sons drink wine with dinner. He consults experts, some of whom tell him to give them sips, others who advise enforcing a strict no-alcohol policy until 21. (One even wishes the drinking age were 25!)

This was one issue that our parents never thought twice about, which is why, perhaps, Asimov's hand-wringing seems a little silly. Alcohol was never forbidden; if we wanted a sip of something, we could have it. For as long as we can remember, we had our own wine glass at dinnertime — it was just a lot less full than the other glasses. We were never offered beer or cocktails until we were 18 and had returned from college.

The other MenuPages editors had similar stories. MP: Boston's Leila was allowed a glass of wine with dinner throughout her teenaged years. Adam of MP: San Francisco was still in elementary school when he started taking sips from his parents' cups, although he didn't begin drinking wine or beer with dinner until he was 18. Neal of MP: Philadelphia was 14 when he was allowed a glass of wine on holidays and special occasions, and Adam of MP: Chicago wasn't all that interested in wine when he was first offered it at 14 or 15, but by 17 he was drinking wine with dinner and by 20 was sharing scotch with his parents.

So it's not exactly a representative sample, but it's telling that none of us has had any real drinking problems. Sure, we all drank more than we should have in college (didn't everyone?), but there are no stomach-pumping incidents or DUIs to report. Just a few bad hangovers. Which makes us think that Asimov should just chill out and let his kids have a glass of wine.

Can Sips at Home Prevent Binges? [New York Times]
Photo: gakrid [Flickr]

All-you-can-eat isn't really the best way to enjoy food. You wind up over-stuffed, feeling like you only got your money's worth at the expense of your own comfort and waist-line. But occasionally it's fun to gorge, and if it's good it can be a treat, at least until you have to stand up. You should at least know where it can be done.

To that end, Gridskipper has your back. The map-geek Gawker offshoot yesterday ran an excellent--and we do mean fantastic--collection of local all-you-can-eat specials. We've been trying to think of any way to improve on the list for you, but simply can't. They seem to have the bases covered. Check it. Come back here later, though, for the triumphant return of the "over coffee" food-section roundups.

All-You-Can-Eat-SF [Gridskipper]
Photo courtesy of Killing Dinner

Does Jordan Mackay have the best job ever? Yes. Yes, he does. The wine and spirits editor for 7x7 wrote in his Buzzed blog about a historic San Francisco cocktail tour. We already knew San Francisco is drenched in alcoholic history, but had no idea of the extent to which our town contributed to the development of the cocktail menu.

From Irish Coffee at the The Buena Vista to Pisco Punch at the old Bank Exchange, our great city by the bay has been the site of a handful of notable cocktail inventions.

Mackay rightly points out that the tour ought to extend to the East Bay for a stop at Trader Vic's, birthplace of the Mai Tai. We think as long as they're crossing the bridge it should go all the way up to Martinez to discuss the inception of the Martini. You'd think tour sponsor Plymouth Gin would want that, but then it is a bit of a trek. Next year?

Historic Cocktails Tour of SF: History in a Glass [7x7]
The Buena Vista [MenuPages]
The Buena Vista [Official Site]
Plymouth Gin [Official Site]

This is fun: local ambassador of innards, offal agent and all-around gutsy chef Chris Cosentino ventured outside the kitchen at Incanto to do an all-offal meal in New York City. While there, NYC blogger and Food Network web personality Adam Roberts, the Amateur Gourmet, sat on the receiving end of that dinner and weighed in on the experience of eating raw venison liver:

I'm not grossed out by liver, I'm not grossed out by steak tartare, but, call me crazy, the texture of raw liver is not very appetizing. It feels exactly like you'd expect it to feel like chomping through a raw liver: wet, slimy, tough. Blech. I'm getting sick just writing about it....

Offal Good [Official Site]
On The Street, The FN Library & An Offal Dinner [Amateur Gourmet]
Incanto [MenuPages]
Incanto [Official Site]
Photo: Chef Chris Cosentino with a handful of the good stuff. [Offal Good]

No matter where you live, you've probably heard of this legendary Brooklyn pizza joint known as Di Fara's. If you haven't, welcome to the big leagues, pizza lovers!

Brooklyn is, by many accounts, the nation's pizza capital (sorry Chicago. It kind of is). And Di Fara's is, by many of those same accounts, the best pizzeria in Brooklyn. So logic dictates that Di Fara's is the best pizzeria in the nation. At least by many accounts.

And many of those accountable for this opinion weighed in on an Epi-Log poll and voted Di Fara's the best on the East Coast. The result? We get a virtual photo-walk-through of the process of making a Di Fara's pizza. Not surprisingly, it all has to do with one dedicated pizza master. According to Epi, Domenico Di Fara's recipe for quite possibly the best pizza on earth boils down to this:

"I use only the freshest ingredients, the bufala mozzarella from the town I grew up in, the oregano and basil from Israel, tomatoes from Salerno, flour from Italy," he says with a smile. "That's the secret recipe."

Secrets of Di Fara Pizza [Epi Log]
Photo credit: Michael Y. Park [Epi Log]

Above: The old look

A batch of early reviews is in for the newly re-opened SOMA stalwart Fifth Floor. For some reason, factual statements collide. While Zagat lauds the food and reports that "the infamous zebra carpet's gone," a Yelper named LTN states, "the food was not memorable. And the zebra carpeting is tacky."

You know, LTN, if that were a Menupages review, we would not print it. We're going to need a little more detail than that... Which is a simple case of letting the eyes drift an inch or two down to Carolyn T's exhaustive, 830-word review, which would appear to be an excerpt from an even longer piece on her blog, Feast.

Okay, so with just a handful reporting in, reviews are mixed for the new Fifth Floor, but it would seem that if haute cuisine and blogging are your pass-times, it's fertile country indeed.

Checking in on the Fifth Floor [Zagat]
Fifth Floor [Feast]
Fifth Floor Restaurant [Yelp]
Fifth Floor [MenuPages]
Fifth Floor [Official Site]

An interesting thing happened in Union Square/cyberspace this week. The Burritoeater visited Herbert's Mexican Grill, which most serious Cal-Mex fans likely wrote off before even looking at, and you know what? He liked it:

It wasn’t spectacular, and it certainly wasn’t expected, but Herbert’s debut on the Burritoeater charts was a steady-truckin’ parade of good taste, booming spice, and no debilitating faults. It skimped slightly on the sizing and was encased in a just-happy-to-be-here steamed tortilla, but other than a set of overly tough meat, every element made a guest appearance on Today in Eight-Mustache-or-Better Moments with the Burritoeater Judges Panel.

But the Burritoeater is a trusted source, and we are inclined to take his opinion over those of some strangers who called the slabs there "a huge overpriced, tasteless burrito" and also "over-priced, small, and tasteless." While they can't agree size, we did notice they're unanimous on one element here. It would take a recommendation from no less than the Burritoeater himself to get us in there, but hey, now we've got it.

Unfortunately, we haven't been able to persuade the Herbert's people to send us a menu, so if any readers get curious and try it, can you pick one up for us? Thanks.

Herbert's Mexican Grill [Burritoeater]
Mashup Mishaps: It's a Hotel! It's a Mexican Grill! It's Both! [Eater SF]
Herbert's Mexican Grill [Yelp]
Photo credit: Eater SF

We'd like to extend a belated congratulations to the Tablehopper. Last week, Marcia Gagliardi's pet publication turned two years old and on Tuesday it clocked 100 weekly newsletters. Wait, shouldn't that be 104 newsletters? Gagliardi explains:

I know, there should be 104, but a few interruptions came up over these past two years, like Coachella and Burning Man.

So congratulations, Marcia. We look forward to two more years and at least 100 more issues filled with pithy restaurant news and reviews, juicy gossip and plenty of text-speak. JK! LOL!

Tablehopper [Official Site]
The Alembic [MenuPages]
The Alembic [Official Site]
Absinthe [MenuPages]
Absinthe [Official Site]
Cantina [MenuPages]
Cantina [Official Site]
Presidio Social Club [MenuPages]
Presidio Social Club [Official Site]

[Above: Any old hash house]

Snap! Michael Bauer and a whole bunch of SF Gate commenters are just about ready to throw down with Wall Street Journal writer Raymond Sokolov, after he described our great City By The Bay as "a big white blank" on the culinary map of Northern California.

In his Saturday Dining Out column, Sokolov slams the city in favor of the East Bay, where this brilliant new restaurant called Chez Panisse, run by revolutionary young chef Alice Waters, has introduced a whole generation to local, seasonal produce.

Meanwhile, San Francisco, also known as Hick Town USA, struggles to get more than two ingredients onto a plate without making the, um, "masticating classes" (Sokolov's words, not ours) barf.

Fortunately, Bauer and his readers have rushed to our city's defense, especially a commenter named JHV, who is so incensed he's gotten his metaphors in a bunch: "I say pay no attention to the man behind the curtain, because he's wearing no clothes."

Shoot, people like that are why people like Sokolov think we're all ignorant yokels with palates of clay. Better to just quietly enjoy dining at high-quality, mid-priced restaurants like SPQR, Range and Bar Tartine, and let the Sokolovs of the world book up the Fisherman's Wharf tours and tables at Boulevard .

Bay Watch [WSJ]
Is San Francisco a "big white blank"? [Between Meals]
SPQR [MenuPages]
SPQR [Official Site]
Range [MenuPages]
Range [Official Site]
Bar Tartine [MenuPages]
Bar Tartine [Official Site]
Boulevard [MenuPages]
Boulevard [Official Site]

Talk about a public caning. Amid the trumpets and fireworks and cherubs and whatever else Pat Kuleto has thrown money at to celebrate the opening of Waterbar and Epic Roasthouse on the Embarcadero, San Francisco Chronicle urban design writer John King took him and his new restaurants to the mat in an A-1 story that rips into the new buildings like massive, inky fingers popping a zit on the city's forehead:

It's all grand atmospheric fun, especially if you can afford a $45 strip steak or a $75 dish of Maine lobster. But drop these stage sets into Rincon Park on San Francisco's downtown waterfront, and they become something else: incongruous impositions on a landscape that doesn't need to be gussied up.

Whatever knee-jerk reaction you may have to the NIMBY-ism that prevents a lot of development from taking place in this city, you have to admit that these two buildings--reportedly the first newly constructed restaurant-only buildings in the city in more than 100 years, really are in your backyard. They were built in a public park along a public waterfront, so their interaction with the public--and not just the high-end dining public--should come to the fore of the discussion. For all the inane discussion it will spur, King has done the city a service by walking up to the elephant in the room and yanking on its trunk.

There will likely be some formal reviews of the restaurants' food in the coming weeks, after which we can start to get a more fully fleshed impression of how the press likes them. So far, the public has chimed in with mixed reviews of both, mostly enjoying the food and views but griping about the service.

Meanwhile, King makes some pretty solid and easily implementable suggestions on how to improve the relationship between the new private space and existing public space. If Mr. Kuleto doesn't want his new babies to be relegated to a grudgingly received tourist trap, he should probably take note.

Kuleto's newest: posh, out of place [SF Chronicle]
Epic Roasthouse [MenuPages]
Epic Roasthouse [Official Site]
Waterbar [MenuPages]
Waterbar [Official Site]

Ha: Bunrabs' Guttenberg has apparently made a bet with cohort Chubby that he can go three days without coffee without getting a headache. From what we can tell from the site, Guttenberg drinks coffee every day. Well, our money's on Chubby. Once, we forgot coffee on a week-long camping trip and were rewarded with one, solid, week-long migraine. There is no way Guttenberg is winning this bet.

On the other hand, the pictures are nice.

Is "Addicted" a Bad Word? [Bunrabs]

It's got to be frustrating being the Burritoeater. You've got to make tough calls and reveal truths that are unpleasant to many San Franciscans. But that's just part of the job, and Charles Burritoeater does it well.

Like a visit Monday to the celebrated/reviled La Taqueria. This controversial establishment boasts a fiercely loyal following but many, including the Burritoeater, simply don't get it. Small, expensive, rice-free products never gain a high mustache-rating.

However, he dutifully trudges in there, time and time again, ordering burritos in hopes of cracking the La Taqueria code. It's got to be discouraging to be met with such apparent mediocrity from such a lauded joint.

Here, he ponders the popularity:

We’re newly convinced that La Taqueria’s unembellished slabwork appeals to San Franciscans who prefer the San Diego style of the form: sans rice, possibly sans beans (a choice that inexplicably costs Joe or Jane Q. Burritoeater an extra buck), a bit more humbly sized than burritos at other local taquerias, and an overall austerity usually absent in the typical San Francisco burrito.

While it's true that San Francisco's watchdog of all things cylindrical and beany has to endure some even lower-quality tubes than those at La Taq., it must be especially frustrating to go there, simply because of the public pressure for a good review. Well, we're glad he's staying true to his beliefs. More power to you, Burritoeater!

Taqueria, La [Burritoeater]
La Taqueria [Menupages]

No doubt you remember these immortal lines from Coolio's 1995 hit Gangster's Paradise:

Power and the money, money and the power

Minute after minute, hour after hour

Everybody's running, but half of them ain't lookin

What's goin on in the kitchen, but I don't know what's cookin

What's cooking these days is apparently a middling-looking Caprese salad, hilariously prepared by Coolio himself. Shaka Zulu! Now, every website and their mother has already posted the video of Cookin' With Coolio, so we thought we'd just remind you why this man is a big enough "celebrity" to get his own cooking show, wherein he pulls a dime-bag of mystery spice out of a woman's cleavage:

This also explains why Coolio wears a hat through his entire show.

In Videos: Cookin with Coolio: Coolio Caprese Salad [Serious Eats]
Coolio Gangster's Paradise Lyrics [Metrolyrics]

Our local Eater outpost pointed out today that Esquire magazine included a Banh Mi sandwich from Saigon Sandwiches on Larkin Street in its "Best Sandwiches In America" list. Good job Saigon.

If you simply can't make it downtown, though, another online article today delivers a pretty effective discussion and recipe for those lovely Vietnamese sandwiches that are the staple of all in-the-know staffers at City Hall, the McAllister courthouse and the state and federal buildings.

It's obvious that the sandwiches are simple, but there always seemed to be some elements that we just couldn't replicate in the MPSF test kitchen. Fortunately, the good people at Gourmet magazine have the solution. Go pickle yourself some carrots and get cracking.

The Recipe: Banh Mi [Gourmet]
Bahn Mi Bonanza [Eater SF]
The Best Sandwiches in America [Esquire]
Saigon Sandwiches [Menupages]

Apparently today's theme is "things we learned from men's dietary magazines." Men's Health is not at the top of our reading list, but we're glad SFoodie picked up a copy because they have apparently created a list of "The 20 Worst Foods in America."

What it actually is is the 20 most fattening/highest calorie menu options at national American chain restaurants. There's no way a Chipotle grilled chicken burrito, even with its 1,179 calories, 7 g fat, 125 g carbs and 2,656 mg sodium, could be more fattening than an El Farolito super quesedilla suiza or super carnitas burrito. Chipotle, you've been challenged.

But we digress. We totally agree with the Men's Health winner for "worst food in America," the Outback Steakhouse Aussie Cheese Fries with Ranch Dressing, pictured below. With 2,900 calories, 182 g fat and 240 g carbs, this monster looks like it wants to get up out of that tray and punch you in the crotch. Are you going to let it, or are you going to eat it? Frankly, there's a chance we'd take the crotch-punch:

The 20 Worst Foods In America [Men's Health]
Meet Your Maker: Mens Health Worst Food In America [SFoodie]
El Farolito [Menupages]

Above: Sick and tired of this already. Photo courtesy of the New York Times

Okay, the tsunami of Blue Bottle Coffee coverage needs to recede. Yes, it's noteworthy that they opened a (third) location in Mint Plaza, and yes it's interesting that they imported this steam-punk siphon machine at enormous cost, but dang, people, it's just a cup of coffee. From a nearly month-old cafe that is part of a six-year-old chain.

It would be one thing if people were taking turn to review the substance, offering a variety of opinions that worked as a dialogue on the state of gourmet coffee in the city, but they're not. Bloggers and journalists are lining up to get a cup and go "ooh, it's the best coffee ever and isn't it cool they opened this new location and what a neat machine."

But it's basically exactly the same coffee they've been lining up for for years in Hayes Valley and the Ferry Building. We think people just want a chance to run a picture of the fancy coffee machine, and it doesn't help that most are lifting the same picture we did from the New York Times. Look, we've seen it, it's great. Can we all please cover something that matters and is actually new? Thanks.

First Taste: Blue Bottle Café [Gourmet]
Lining up for Blue Bottle [Bits and Bites]

As anyone who's ever been to Japan, Japantown or even just a sushi bar at lunch can attest, the Japanese are way into pictures and models of food. They're also into Bento boxes, portable boxes with individual sections for your different courses. We love these things, so it was with a considerable amount of delight that we clicked through a post on Bay Area Bites to find the Flickr stream Mr. Bento Porn, a collection of photos taken of bento lunches. Take a look:

So... How many hours have we been looking at that site now? Frankly, we'd rather not say. But it's great, no? The Bay Area Bites piece also gets into some interesting history about food-to-go. Read it.

Bento Porn [Bay Area Bites]
Mr. Bento Porn [Flickr Photostream]

God Bless SFist for doing our work for us. That inimitable site has a nice roundup of the frozen yogurt happenings around town.

Background: Yesterday, the San Francisco Chronicle ran an article on a local winner of "Survivor" who wanted to put his $1 million toward opening a Red Mango frozen yogurt joint in North Beach, but has been blocked from opening on account of anti-chain-store laws in the area. A nearly identical article ran today as a follow-up.

Meanwhile, a Pinkberry appears to be cruising toward opening over in Dogpatch.

But hey, don't take our word for it. Check out Eater SF, SFist, Curbed and the Chronicle. Dang, the local Internets are pulsing with frozen yogurt goings-on:

Fro-Yo Wars [Eater SF]
Fozen Yogurt Wars: Pinkberry In; Survivor Winner Out [SFist]
North Beach Divided: Some Stand Ground, Fear Future [Curbed SF]
North Beach ties up 'Survivor' winner [SF Chronicle]

A Between Meals post about the Michael Bauer's latest service issue garnered lots of responses Monday. Restaurant service, like bad drivers, is one of those topics that almost always evokes a response from readers convinced they are in the right.

The SF Chronicle's head foodie brought up the sticky question of whether or not restaurants should seat incomplete parties. It comes as no news that many restaurants won't seat incomplete parties because there is no telling how long it will take the stragglers to get there, meanwhile valuable floor space is being used by customers who aren't yet paying.

Bauer didn't take a strong position, but 32 commenters broke out their superfluous quotation marks, poor spelling and general grammatical cluelessness in vehemently arguing their points. Those positions ran the gamut from staunch opposition to restaurants controlling who sits where when, to full support of hosts and waiters doing whatever they need to do to get tables sat, served and out.

Bauer suggested something like a 15-minute grace period for incomplete parties, which seems like the most reasonable solution. Either way, this seems like another one of those questions, like being nice to elderly people, that shouldn't have to come up. If everyone was on time, it wouldn't be an issue. We really hope Ms. Manners doesn't read Bauer, Bruni or us, for that matter.

"We'll seat you when your entire party arrives." [Between Meals]

We got a glimpse yesterday of how Traci Des Jardins spends her weekends. It's a little less glamorous than we expected: she stands in a lot of lines. Suppose that's to be expected if you want to go to Tartine and the Ferry Building and Blue Bottle Coffee on a Sunday morning.

Apparently Jardins kind of likes waiting in line, though. She thinks it's very French. She must, because, as a restaurateur who we would guess works at night, she probably has time on weekday mornings to run these errands. But hey, what do we know? Like normal Americans, we hate waiting in line.

Wait for it in San Francisco, Paris and All Over the World [Epi Log]

Whoa, slow news day? For us, anyway. We had to get pretty bored with the local food news to get there, but we made an interesting discovery: The Examiner runs printable coupons for local restaurants and such on its site. They're kind of hard to find, but if you scroll down below the headlines, then below the comments--keep going--you'll get to a section called "As Seen in the Paper," which runs the ads and coupons, such as this one for the illustrious Chick-N-Coop:

Were all those hours you were putting in at your fancy Internet job getting in the way of your frumpy-housewife-coupon-clipping time? Well, no longer. Thanks, Examiner, you weirdos.

As Seen in the Paper [Examiner]

(Pictured above: A typical Google lunch. Bastards.)

It pains us to join the crowd so blatantly like this, but everybody's talking about it, so we'll chime in, too: OMG, did you hear Google employees not only get free food, but there's a staffer who reviews the food, and the in-house chefs vie for his approval?

According to an article that ran in the LA Times yesterday " the strapping, gregarious computer programmer is becoming as influential to the company's hundreds of chefs and culinary staffers as the Michelin and Zagat reviewers are to restaurateurs."

No offense, Menupages Corporate Headquarters, but until you start delivering free meals of quail and brined, slow-cooked beef daube, We will be as jealous as we can get of those damned Googlies. Especially Thunder Parley.

Speaking of nerds on the binge, wonder what those poor folks are choking down over at Macworld? We love Macs and everything, but let's face it: Moscone Center isn't exactly in the heart of a culinary Mecca. Meh. Enough sympathy. It's no doubt catered.

Techie dishes on Google's grub [LA Times]
Google Food Photo Blog [Flickr]

Word from Mediabistro's Fishbowl is that San Francisco Business Times restaurant reporter Ryan Tate, who also writes the recently inactive Covers blog, is leaving the paper and the area next week to take a job as a blogger at Gawker Media. Curses! Who will report on this fair city's restaurant doings? Not us, that's for sure.

No word yet on who will replace Tate, but then, we haven't been asking the right people. Also, what will happen to Covers? Stay tuned...

Gawker Media Hires New Blogger [Fishbowl]

We're not sure how to feel, hearing that the Zagat empire may soon go up for sale. While the estimated $200 million transaction would surely secure the financial fate of Tim and Nina Zagat (not that they were in danger), and the sale might result in something like a Citysearch-partnered Zagat with more free content, we get uneasy at even a whiff of media consolidation, which would no doubt be the result of such a move.

We also feel conflicted at having hardships in the plight of Zagat's laid at the feet of sites such as Menupages. This from the Associated Press via the International Herald Tribune:

In recent years Zagat.com has also faced growing competition from free Web sites that also offer information about restaurants, including Citysearch, a unit of Barry Diller's IAC/InterActiveCorp; a San Francisco-based startup called Yelp.com and MenuPages.com.

Well, it's true that it's hard to go up against competition that offers its product for free. We've got to wonder why Zagat didn't start doing so a long time ago. From the same article:

Zagat has tried to build its online business, but it has largely remained a paid subscription service, preventing it from becoming a magnet for users and advertisers.

The thing is, Zagat's niche isn't really the online world, but the pocket of enthusiastic travelers who may seek to escape things such as the Internet while exploring things like obscure restaurants in obscure parts of the world.

Whatever form this transaction eventually assumes, we really hope that Zagat will continue to publish its paper guides while delivering online one-liners like, "Service with a grudge." Priceless!

Publisher of Zagat restaurant surveys considers sale [International Herald Tribune]
Zagat Family Is Putting Guide Empire on Market [New York Times]

Just to hammer the point home: You did hear that Novato's Moylan's brewery made it into the New York Times, right? The 13-year-old brewpub is all over this articlethis article on "extreme" beers.

"If one is good, two is better," the slogan on the lable of Moylan's Moylander Double I.P.A., works as a guididng principle for American brewers today, the article contends. Impossible amounts of hops rule the day, the article contends. But the macho beer phenomenon is not making everybody its friend.

“It’s like calling a wine double Beaujolais — it’s an insult,” according to Brooklyn berewery's Garrett Oliver.

Well, that may be, but we've been to Moylan's and can attest that it's that kind of place. Big, intense beers accompany big, intense burgers, both of which, to borrow the article's terminology, "dare" diners to finish them. But you do finish them, and, even though it's hard to stand up afterward, you walk out of that restaurant nothing if not satiated.

A taste for brews that go to the extreme [NY Times]

The San Francisco Chronicle has a lot of food-and-restaurant related news today, so we're bringing you this special, Thursday edition of the Chronicle Over Coffee:

Resident schlock-slinger C.W. Nevius memorializes the Washington Square Bar and Grill, that old-school "power hangout" that unexpectedly closed its doors on New Year's Day. Supervisor Aaron Peskin, known to be a fan of the afternoon cocktail hour, pined thusly: "In the old days... the Planning Commission used to adjourn at 2 p.m. and go to the Washbag." Of course they did. [Romancing the not-long-gone Washbag]

A federal appeals court Wednesday upheld the city's controversial law requiring employers to provide health care. The requirement, voted into law last year, has been the target of rabid opposition by the Golden Gate Restaurant Association, who brought the case to court. Meanwhile, the Chron reported last week that few eligible citizens were taking the city up on its coverage offer. [Appeals court allows S.F. to enforce healthcare law]

And in the Bauer Blog, MB fills a column with the shards of an almost-story: the possible purchase of Myth by Ritz Carleton head chef Ron Siegel. The sale will be an excellent news item if it's confirmed, but so far, it's just a heavy rumor. [The truth about myth]

Boy, when industry-types get dissatisfied with service, they get really dissatisfied. The tendency stays with yours truly to this day, even though we haven't waited tables for about six years. We know a lot of unaccounted-for factors can screw up a wait-shift, and we're understanding, but if the server does something offensive or blatantly inefficient, we pass harsh judgment.

So, in fact, does everybody in the "biz." Witness this post from Jalapeno Girl, who is totally steamed that the host at "a popular sit-down Mexican restaurant" wouldn't stop walking around with an important look on his face long enough to take her party's picture. Seriously, host, that's a no-no. It's your job to make customers happy and you're totally failing.

Line Cook also kicked up a fuss back in November, when his moderately large party had what sounds like a nightmare experience with a surly, incompetent-sounding manager at Mexico DF.

And these are just two examples from industry-types who happen to have blogs. Think about all the thousands that don't. Why, they just tell their friends what a rotten experience they had. And their friends listen, because they're industry-types and they know.

If we hadn't had the experience ourselves, our question would be, why are food-service professionals as accommodating as they are? Isn't it just the most frustrating when you see somebody blowing it at a job you know (or think) you're good at?

The answer is: Solidarity. We've all been there. Everybody has bad shifts. Sometimes the kitchen gets slammed and screws things up for you. Sometimes a waiter doesn't put a ticket in, then whines about how you didn't make his appetizers soon enough. We know how to be good customers because we've had the worst ourselves. It's also because we know the job so well that, when patience runs out, it runs out hard.

But on-duty servers/cooks/hosts, take warning: Even if it's the worst shift in the world, you go out back, you do a shot, smoke a cigarette and punch a wall. And when you come back into that dining room, you smile and act like the problem is one small glitch in an otherwise wonderful day at work. Because one of your customers will almost certainly be an off-duty service-industry type, and if you are a jerk, they'll judge you more harshly than a hundred Frank Brunis. Guaranteed.

Hey, they might even blog about it.

Picture Time. Or Not. [Jalapeno Girl]
Mexico DF. Sometimes I Get Mad. [Line Cook]

Burritophile's Burrito Files document a distressing development in the San Francisco burrito scene: a sub-par burrito from Taqueria El Castillito. This heavy-hitter of a taqueria chain consistently delivers near-perfect quality, with the 17th and Mission Streets location bringing in a 9.08 Burritoeater mustache rating for a New-Year's-Eve breakfast burrito.

So it was with concern that we read of a "just ok" burrito--with what looks like al pastor, this place's strong suit--coming from the Church Street location. Perhaps a check-in is in order.

We'd post the picture, but then there would be no reason for you to go to the original post, so go check out the mediocrity for yourself at Burritophile.

Even the mighty fall [Burritophile]

This seems like a good day to devote to booze. You'll probably be drinking a lot this week, and by next Tuesday you'll be ready to throw in the towel once and for all. Well, make a list and check it twice before you do, bub. Our friends at Modern Drunkard magazine have done so, to our delight. Some of these are really touching, some are hilarious and some are not bloody likely:

7.) Buy a crowded bar a round. For no reason at all. Jump up on a barstool and shout it loud: “A roun