• A salmonella outbreak has sickened 388 people across the United States, sending some to the hospital and leaving officials scratching their heads trying to find the source. Sound familiar?. [Reuters]

• An Alabama sheriff has been locked up in his own jail after he allegedly under-fed prisoners and pocketed the surplus food money, a move that may or may not have actually been legal. [AP/Yahoo]

• Are you getting enough vitamin D? If you asked that question of Quest Diagnostics, you'd better ask again. The nation's biggest medical lab seems to have given false results to thousands of patients whose vitamin levels it tested. [NY Times]

• Despite a recent dip, food prices ended the year overall of 7 percent higher than they began it. [Reuters]

• Washington, DC restaurants brace themselves for the onslaught of visitors expected on inauguration weekend, throwing parties, extending hours, and laying in supplies. [DC Examiner]

• Squirrel meat appears to be all the rage in the UK. Britons are happily munching away at gray squirrels (a North American invasive species) in order to save their beloved red squirrels, which, we must agree, are much cuter. [NYT]

• A fire completely destroyed six restaurants near Fenway Park that were popular with Red Sox fans for a bite before and after games. [Boston Herald]

• Virginia lawmakers consider whether or not to ban smoking inside restaurants in the state. Fun fact: 67 percent of Virginia restaurants already ban smoking inside. [Washington Post]

• Did you know that "cochineal," which shows up in lipstick and some foods, is actually a crushed bug? Yes, all this time you've been eating insects — they show up in the ingredients as "artificial color." Yum! [Newsday]

• Five years after a maintenance employee died in a Tyson Foods plant, the company has to pay $500,000 for failing to protect its workers from hydrogen sulfide gas. [CNNMoney]

• Over Israel's protestations, the UN is qualifying the strike on Gaza as a humanitarian crisis: Not only are food and water supplies dangerously low, but people are scared to go outside to get what little is in stores. [AFP]

• The UK's Oxford Farming Conference focused on enhancing domestic agriculture for "security" reasons.* [BBC News]

• A raging fire in Boston's Fenway neighborhood took out five restaurants; no people were injured. [Boston Globe]

• Recalls! Bacon! Bacon recalls! If you're in Colorado and have recently purchased food containing bacon bits, there's a risk of listeria. [Denver Post]

• A folk-kitchen-science explainer goes head to head with Harold McGee on matters of the Maillard reaction. [NYT]

Bonus quote from this article: After a couple of glasses of wine, farmers here will admit they are an industry prone to whingeing.

• Three months into the trans fat ban, the vast majority of Boston restaurants are free of the dreaded substance. However, doughnuts and cakes still have a couple more months before they too must be trans fat free. Get 'em while you can? [Boston Globe]

• Last month, Chan Yan-tak, a chef in Hong Kong, was the first Chinese chef to be awarded three Michelin stars. It turns out that this honor is not free of controversy, as his restaurant is at the Fours Seasons &mdash potentially not the most authentically Chinese of establishments. [NYT]

• Speaking of Michelin controversy in Hong Kong, Bo Innovation, a restaurant with a self-taught chef garnered two stars. What's the drams? Some consider Bo the El Bulli of Asia, others deem it far over-hyped, but most interestingly, it would appear that the real problem is having a French guidebook act as a definitive guide on Hong Kong cuisine. [Wall Street Journal]

• A grocery store burglar in Wisconsin has a mighty refined palate: the $625 worth of groceries that he stole was mostly in lobster and ribeye. [AP/San Francisco Chronicle]

• Chicago-area Whole Foods stores pulled items from the shelves that were mislabeled as gluten-free, in the wake of a Chicago Tribune story about this very matter. Score 1 for journalism! [Chicago Tribune]

• A pair of caviar smugglers were apprehended in Italy, carrying about 88lbs of beluga caviar &mdash estimated cash value, $550,000. So what's to be done with the valuable, and extremely delicious, contraband? It's to be fed to the needy and homeless on Christmas. [BBC]

• Get scared, y'all! Apparently, Chicago-area groceries stores (and, we assume, stores nationwide) "routinely" mislabel products that contain food allergens. [Chicago Tribune]

• A lawyer in Arizona was arrested for feeding his client a piece of candy against detention officers' orders. We are left wondering how many other times candy has been against the law. [AP/San Francisco Chronicle]

• Attention holiday travelers: while most airports are still black holes for good eats, the lucky millions passing through LAX, Dallas, Miami, and Atlanta are in for some tasty grub. That said, none of the the food at these airports comes close to that at JFK's new Jet Blue terminal. [NYT]

• After 16 years of dwindling returns, salmon are finally coming back to Maine rivers in greater numbers. [AP/Boston Globe]

• Philadelphia's mayor just signed a law requiring fast food and chain restaurants to list calorie and fat levels in their dishes. [Forbes]

• The NRA (no, not that NRA — we mean the National Restaurant Association) predicts a 2.5 percent increase in restaurant sales next year. It also says menu prices are likely to go up 3.6 percent ; that means a 1.1 percent drop in real growth. Not promising. [Dallas Morning News]

• Some awful man actually posted videos on YouTube in which he claimed to have poisoned millions of Gerber baby food jars. It was all untrue, but it caused quite a scare. He pleaded guilty yesterday. [Reuters]

• The UN says 33 countries are in need of food aid, Zimbabwe and North Korea in particular. [AP]

• The lack of good supermarkets and fresh fruits and vegetables in poor urban areas is a huge problem across the country, but one teenager in South Los Angeles is making a difference by using grants to remake the shelves of local independent grocers and convenience stores. [AP]

• The FDA approves two new types of diet sweetener: One for Pepsi, one for Coke. [New York Times]

• Tough economic times like these can breed strange success stories. Witness, the booming business in used restaurant equipment [Dallas Morning News]

• After an Iowa Kosher meat producer ran into legal troubles this past year, Kosher products are becoming scarcer and more expensive in the Chicago area as Hanukkah approaches. [Chicago Tribune]

• Protesters in Beijing call on citizens of that province to stop eating cats. [AP/Yahoo]

• Michigan state lawmakers are having a hard time reaching an agreement on a restaurant smoking ban, likely leaving eateries hazy until at least the next session. [AP/Michigan Live]

• In a blow for famous foodies like Alice Waters and Michael Pollan, who had hoped to see someone with a background in progressive food policy as Secretary of Agriculture, Obama has appointed former Iowa governor and ethanol enthusiast Tom Vilsack to the post. [New York Times]

• Although political types were greatly excited by the news that city bars would serve alcohol until 5am during inauguration week, the DC Council voted yesterday to push last call back to 4am. [Washington Post]

• Some economic good news, for once: restaurant shares held their gains yesterday. [Forbes]

• G. Franco Romagnoli, a pioneering television chef whose 1970s show "Cooking with the Romagnolis" helped introduce Americans to Italian food passed away on Monday. [New York Times]

• The FDA will continue to study BPA, a chemical found in hard plastics that could pose health risks. [Washington Post]

• China has explicitly banned 17 substances — like lye, formaldehyde, and boric acid — from being used as food additves. Helpful. [AFP]

• Marion Nestle advises taking advantage of the presidential administration change to get your voice heard about food safety and chemical additives. [SF Chron]

• The state of New York is closing its last pheasant farm, and declaring that its 8000 pheasants should be given to food pantries. Let them eat ... game birds? [NYT]

• A Florida man is in jail for throwing a sandwich at his girlfriend's head. "Police reports did not what type of sandwich was used in either attack." [AP/Tribune]

• There's a sarcastic cookbook out called 'Cuisines of the Axis of Evil,' and the author seems pretty awesome. [Reuters]

• Call it the ultimate recession special: tending chickens is on the rise in Chicago. [Chicago Tribune]

• It might be hard to stomach for those fond of Kanga and Roo, but kangaroos are a much "greener" bunch that cattle, and some in Australia would like to see them replace beef and mutton as the default meat. [NYT]

• A pizza deliveryman in Florida was held and gunpoint and saved himself by throwing a hot pepperoni pizza at his assailant. [Newsday]

• Amidst worries over flagging US sales, KFC is looking to launch a grilled chicken option in 2009. [LA Times]

• The government deal to buy Florida sugar cane fields from U.S. Sugar and turn said fields into Everglades conservation areas has not been sealed. There is some controversy over who it benefits &mdash and the $1.35 billion price tag. [Miami Herald]

• In case you were wondering what wines "single, handsome men" drink, the answer seems to be full-bodied reds. [Wall Street Journal]

• McDonald's is taunting Starbucks with a billboard touting the virtues and low price of McDonald's espresso outside the 'Bucks corporate headquarters. [Daily News]

• In today's edition of "Possible Explanations for Obesity Digest": maybe some people's genes cause them to crave junk food. [Washington Post]

• Think that the next Secretary of Agriculture needs to be a Secretary of Food? Add your name to an online petition. [Mouthing Off]

• After years of conflict, workers at a Smithfield pork-processing plant have voted to unionize. [CNN]

• A suicide bomber kills 55 people in an Iraqi restaurant Thursday in the deadliest attack in six months. [AP/SF Chronicle]

• The tight economy affects businesses of all stripes, not least small-town restaurants, one of which is the subject of an ongoing CBS profile. [CBS]

• Sales of expensive organic food slow when nobody has any money. [AP/LA Times]

• Can food produced using unfair labor practices still be labeled Kosher? That was the subject of a huge debate at Yeshiva University in the wake of a labor scandal at a major Kosher meat producer last spring. [NYT]

• In honor of the holidays, a Chicago-area restaurant is serving reindeer sausages. Yum, Blitzen!. [Chicago Tribune]

• Pork isn't the only meat with a problem in Ireland — now three cattle herds have shown illegal levels of dioxin. [AFP]

• Bird flu! The Hong Kong government has shut down all poultry farms and killed 80,000 chickens after the dreaded virus was found in 200 chickens at one farm. [MarketWatch]

• The average New York Times reader's idea of "budget dining:" a meal for two for under $100. [NYT]

• Despite a decreased number of donations, more food banks these days are offering fresh produce and letting people pick what foods they'd like to take home (instead of just handing them a box with canned goods). [NYT]

• Your heartwarming story of the day: a woman finds $97,000 in cash in a purse hanging in a bathroom stall at a Cracker Barrel restaurant. Turns out the money belonged to a woman who'd sold her house and all her belongings and was moving to Florida with her son. It was returned, and all is well. [USA Today]

• Ireland has issued a recall of every single Irish pork product, thanks to higher-than-normal dioxin levels found in tested meat. [SFGate]

• A huge study is underway that's looking for explanations for severe food allergies. [NYT]

• Whole Foods is attempting to block the FTC's investigation of its acquisition of Wild Oats, saying it would be too hard to undo if they're found to be in violation of antitrust regulations. (Whoa. Is that really a viable defense?) [Bloomberg]

• China is still trying to boost its international reputation for non-tainted food, this time with a four-month PR blitz. [WaPo]

• The locavore movement (or at least, a variant thereof) has finally reached Japan. [SFGate]

• Consumer Reports has exposed some unexpected foods as being very high in sodium. (Twizzlers?! Really?) Concurrently, the AMA has some pretty sobering statistics about the number of deaths that could be prevented if Americans halved their salt intake. Yikes. [NYT]

• To file away under 'who knew?', Missouri has quite the crop of wine grapes from 2008. Huh. Who knew! [AP/Boston Globe]

• A public library in Illinois is offering fine-forgiveness in exchange for donations of canned foods for the hungry. What a great way to both deal with hunger and extend a helping hand to delinquent library patrons. [Chicago Tribune]

• Meanwhile, in California, the LAPD also has an exchange! This one is a little different though: instead of books and library fines, LA residents can trade in their firearms for $100 gift cards. In the past, people mainly chose cards for electronics stores and the like &mdash this year, the gift cards for Ralphs supermarkets have been the hot item. [Newsday]

• Might the Northeast be making a comeback as an agricultural region? Well, "comeback" might be overstating it, but the combination of the increased cost of food and a full-blown locavore movement does mean that more Northeastern farmers are trying their hand at long-abandoned crops like grains. [Chicago Tribune]

• China is finally planning to issue a blacklist of all food additive that might be tainted. [Associated Press]

• The FDA would like you to know that they're doing a great job protecting you from tainted food. Look, they even made a report saying so! [US News & World Report]

• Sustainable foodies from Alice Waters to Michael Pollan are very interested to learn who Obama will choose as his Secretary of Agriculture and are hoping for someone outside of Big Farming. [New York Times]

• Starbucks plans to cut costs to the tune of $200 million by closing 600 stores and laying of 13,000 employees company-wide. [New York Post]

• Mario Batali is ringing the opening bell at NASDAQ this morning. Funny, we didn't know you could wear Crocs on the trading floor. [MarketWatch]

• Two Manhattan restaurant owners are arrested and charged with more than 400 criminal counts for labor violations. [NY Times]

• Washington, D.C. bars and clubs will go for the gusto over the inauguration weekend, staying open 24 hours. [Washington Post

• Hong Kong finds its fourth batch of tainted eggs from China in less than two months. [NY Times]

• Another grim economic indicator: U.S. food stamp use at an all-time high. [Reuters]

• A Chicago-area restaurateur protests the closure of his business as part of a redevelopment plan. [Chicago Tribune]

• FDA: "So we've had some problems. We're getting better. Look! We're opening five offices around the world!" [US News]

• There's melamine in Chinese eggs now. [BBC News]

• Need some ideas for a Christmas gift for the food-obsessed person in your life? Here are some good book ideas. [San Francisco Chronicle]

• Going green can help save restaurants lots of money, which could help considerably nowadays. Maybe that'll be one positive that comes out of this recession: more environmentally friendly restaurants. [Boston Globe

• McDonald's is getting a makeover. The first coffee-shop style branch of the chain opened in Springfield, Illinois. [State Journal-Register

• Sigh. China has doubled its count of babies who've died from melamine-related formula — it's now up to 6 — while over 300,000 have been made ill. [AP/Houston Chronicle]

• On the upside, the Michelin guide just awarded three stars to a Chinese restaurant for the first time ever. [AFP]

• If you (like us) are freaked out by all the tainting/recalls/etc, there's a new website that aggregates food safety information. [WaPo]

• Unhealthy foods about which a healthy aspect is emphasized (like slapping a "trans-fat-free" label on something) lead to a "health halo" — we eat more of it without realizing our guard is down. [NYT]

• There's a serious shortage of kosher meat, thanks to the closure of one of the largest kosher processing plants. [AP/Trib]

• Ruh-oh! The cranberry industry is not doing so hot, as people buy fewer cranberries while harvests swell. As with so many things in the food industry these days, hopes of salvation are being pinned on Europeans. [NYT]

• The FDA may be on the verge of giving a stamp of approval to stevia, a natural sweetener. Soda companies are basically falling all over themselves in excitement and anticipation. [Chicago Tribune]

• You've all heard the news by now: the economy is terrible, and people want to save money. Organic food has been all the rage for the past few years, but in cost-cutting times, are the benefits worth as much as the monetary price? [LA Times]

• Remember colony collapse disorder, that mysterious bee plague with scary implications for agriculture the world over? Bees Without Borders, based out of Connecticut, is on a quest to keep honeybees alive and producing. Winnie the Pooh would be tickled pink. [NYT]

• The name Cavanagh Co. may not ring a bell, but rest assured: as far as churchgoers are concerned, they are the messiah of Communion wafers. Perhaps it's because they taste so much better; perhaps it's crazy business smarts. Whatever it is, they are doing something right, seeing as they control 80% of the market in the States! [Boston Globe]

• Food stamp use in this country is closing in on an all-time high. Not surprising, given the economic situation. [Washington Post]

• At the same time, food banks are having a hard time keeping shelves stocked, with increased demand and decreased donations. [USA Today]

• You thought we were done with melamine? Oh no. And this time it's hitting close to home: the FDA found traces of melamine in American-manufactured infant formula. [NYT]

• The Times suggests you take charge of the Thanksgiving meal by running it like a CEO does a company: delegate and assign tasks. [NYT]

• And because feel-good stories are hard to come by these days, we thought we'd share this one: a man in Central Florida who owns 27 Golden Corral restaurants will be feeding 20,000 people at the Salvation Army on Thanksgiving. [Orlando Sentinel]

• Despite a rash of pro-Spam coverage in major papers, Hormel's profits are down thanks to the skyrocketing price of ... turkey feed. [AP/CNN]

• Salt is the new bad guy. Lower-sodium foods (and advertising supporting them) are set to flourish in '09. [USAToday]

• A 3-Michelin-star Tokyo restaurant , Kagurazaka Ishikawa, apologized for selling bacteria-contaminated black beans. [Reuters]

• The rampant speculation about who will be the Obamas' White House Chef is "fantasy football for foodies," and also totally off-base, says Walter Scheib. [AP]

• Obligatory compare-your-ten-person-guest-list-to-the-army's-hordes pre-Thanksgiving article! [AP]

• Live from Nova Scotia: lobster season is on! There are many fears over plummeting lobster prices, but with tighter regulations and a total of 540,000 traps, perhaps the fishermen will stay afloat. [Chronicle Herald]

• The jury is still out on MSG, scientifically speaking, but consumers really, really don't like it. In light of that, it's somewhat surprising that Campbell's Soup waited until now to stop using it. In any case, expect a barrage of advertising announcing the change. [Chicago Tribune]

• A farm in Colorado decided to have a food give-away, after finding that they had a surplus of produce following their fall harvest festival. What they didn't count on? 40,000 people showing up. [Denver Post]

• The full-blown global food crisis makes it harder to justify using corn for ethanol, instead of for food, and there's a great deal of debate over how to find a middle ground. Let them eat cake? [AP/SF Chronicle]

• A tamale cart in Mexico City advertises its goods via robotic loudspeaker. It's like Wall-E, but with tamales. [LA Times]

• A new study shows that keeping food diaries via text message might help kids stick with the activity, thus reducing child obesity. [Washington Post]

• Not helping to reduce child obesity? Fast food ads. [LA Times]

• High-end New York fromagerie Murray's Cheese goes Midwestern with stores inside supermarket chain Kroger. [New York Times]

• In a sort of Black Friday for the wine industry, vineyards nationwide will be holding events next weekend. [Wall Street Journal]

• Everything you wanted to know about tainted food, all in one place! [Slate]

• The FDA opens three permanant offices in China to keep an eye on exports after a series of scares over tainted products. [NYT]

• Le Beaujolais Nouveau est arrive! Such as it is, with the disappointing grape harvest in the supplying region. [AP/Chicago Tribune]

• A teenager shoots his father, then turns the gun on himself, after they fought when boy brought home the wrong fast food order. [Local 6]

• A recent study finds that cutting down on fast food advertising actually does affect childhood obesity. [LA Times]

• Food banks are feeling the economic pinch as would-be donors keep the canned goods for eating. [Washington Post]

• PETA released a video taken undercover at a West Virginia poultry plant that shows workers kicking, stomping, snapping necks and doing all sorts of other awful things to turkeys. [NYT]

• The UN moves into rebel-held territory in eastern Congo to distribute food to people who used to grow most of the country's food, until rebels confiscated their fields. [AP]

• If you happen to have any Lean Cuisine frozen dinners — specifically the pesto chicken with bow tie pasta, the chicken Mediterranean and the chicken Tuscan — you might want to get rid of them; consumers have found pieces of blue plastic inside. [Los Angeles Times]

• Wal-Mart is donating more than 90 million pounds of fresh food over the next year to Feeding America, the country's largest hunger-focused nonprofit organization. [NYT]

• Grocery stores. That's where the money is during a recession, apparently. And it's not surprising, really — people still need to eat, and they're cutting back on restaurant meals. [San Francisco Chronicle]

• China's reputation as food contamination central has earned the country some of their very own USDA offices! Three, to be exact &mdash and they just so happen to be the first to ever open outside of the United States. [AP]

• In what might be the weekend's most adorable food-related story, a 12-year old from Manhattan's Upper West Side is an aspiring food critic. Not only does he write up restaurant reviews in his journal, he also goes out to eat on his own at sophisticated restaurants. All together now: aw. [NYT]

• The business lunch suffers in these gloomy financial times. The problems are twofold, when you think about it: less business to lunch over, less money to spend on lunch. [Chicago Tribune]

• On the other hand, the economic downturn is a boon time for Spam? Hormel, the company that makes Spam, is ramping up production because Americans have traditionally turned to Spam during penny-pinching times. Important note: increased production is not the same as increased sales. [NYT]

• Good news for scallop lovers: the Eastern Seaboard is currently chock-full of young scallops, after six years of dwindling crops. Patience required though, as the little scallop babies won't be fished for another couple years. [Boston Globe]

• It turns out that the majority of fast food meat is derived from corn. [Time]

• Barack and Michelle Obama are simple, yet adventurous eaters, while Malia and Sasha prefer kid food like mac and cheese and French toast. [Seattle Times]

• Good news: access to food is improving in Iraq. [CNN]

• Bad news: access to food is decreasing in Gaza. [AP]

• Chinese milk is still tainted. [New York Times]

• The European Union lifts its ban on the sale of ugly, misshapen vegetables, much to the chagrin of cuter, more popular vegetables. [NY Times]

• Having had it up to here trying to remember what's tainted this week, the FDA has slapped a detention order on dozens of foods imported from China. [AP/Miami Herald]

• Whether its residents know this or not, it appears Los Angles is a city ripped by strife: Two bagel bakeries, with different styles, rule the breakfast scene. Are you Brooklyn Bagel Bakery or Western Bagel? [LA Times]

• The former director of a New York City nonprofit has been charged with stealing more than $500,000 in government aid to feed hungry children. [Newsday]

• A woman in the UK will avoid jail time after chasing a restaurant owner around his kitchen with a meat cleaver in a dispute over money. [The Scotsman]

• The UN warns that it has exactly two days' supply of food in Gaza and no more. [BBC]

• The four largest ethanol producers have teamed up to create a new lobbying group called "Growth Energy." The message: don't blame ethanol for high food prices. [US News]

• A survey of schools in South Carolina found some that had action plans for food allergic students, while others did not. If your kid has severe allergies, you might want to check with the school about what happens if he or she has an attack. [Reuters]

• A Georgia restaurant had its liquor license removed after authorities found photos of underage drinkers on Facebook. [AJC]

• The Hawaiian plate lunch — two scoops of white rice, macaroni salad, and meat slathered in gravy — may see its popularity rise with a Hawaiian-born president in office. [NYT]

• The changing food pantry demographic: Employable people who had never needed aid before. [NYT]

• Today in food aid: The UN will withhold aid to Gaza if Israel continues to keep the territory sealed. This is a savvy diplomatic move how, exactly? [AP]

• A study of fast food revealed what Michael Pollan was telling us all along: An overwhelming majority of animals used for meat in the industry are fed entirely on corn. This is a bad thing. [WiredBlog]

• Meanwhile Tyson, a major fast-food meat supplier, has noted that its profits are up 50%. [AP]

• Spend more than 80 yuan at a particular restaurant in Beijing, and you get a free joy ride in a Ferrari. [ChinaDaily]

• Philly lawmakers voted to require calorie labeling from chain restaurants. Many of the city's fattening dishes (hello, cheesesteaks and scrapple!) are exempt, as most of them come from small businesses. [Philadelphia Inquirer]

• First the cocaine kielbasa business in Brooklyn, now a butcher shop in Staten Island! The market was the cover business for some mafia-types &mdash until the feds bugged the place and caught the meat mobsters. [NY Daily News]

• If you've noticed your grocery bill staying the same, despite talk of food prices going up, it's because products are shrinking to keep costs the same. For example, thanks to a clever new dimple in the jar, Skippy is 10% smaller, but costs the same. Totally legal, but sneaky, sneaky! [LA Times]

• Guess what else doesn't fare well in a financial downturn? Beer on the global market! People turn to local, cheaper spirits (see: Russia, vodka; Colombia, aguardiente) and majors brewers are worried. [Wall Street Journal]

• Birthday parties may or may not be legal in Saudi Arabia, but people keep having them, because celebrating is fun, and cake is delicious. [AP/LA Times]

• The global financial crisis may well lead to a global food shortage, as farms in developing countries may not have enough money to keep on. [Business Day]

• Food industry economists predict that food prices will rise at least 7% in 2009. [Reuters]

• New Hampshire's food banks urgently need more food, as requests have sharply increased in the past few months. [Boston Globe]

• An examination of the practice of tipping raises more questions than it answers. [Wall Street Journal]

• In a strange twist to the standard tainted food story, a brand of dry pet food has sickened humans, but not pets. [New York Times]

• Production has been stopped at a Chinese drug manufacturer after three deaths were linked to the company's herbal supplement. [AP/Chicago Tribune]

• Yes, yes, there will be new cabinet secretaries and whatnot, but what of the new food and entertainment trends to come in Washington? [NY Times]

• Female waitstaff have a hard time of it, dealing with a stressfull job and a host of other nonsense male waiters never do. [LA Times]

• We're looking at a worldwide record wheat harvest. Why is this not fantastic news? [Reuters]

• Finally, a man who dumped a beer over the head of a restaurant employee who was smoking outside his window won't face charges. [Chicago Tribune]

• Kids who have at least one parent who smokes are more likely to be underfed and undernourished, according to a new study. Apparently cigarette money is coming out of the food budget, which is tragic. [Washington Post]

• Newark gets its own Zagat guide! [Newsday]

• A priest and two nuns walk into a restaurant ... and beat up the manager. Seriously! It happened in Italy. [BBC]

• Meet the cacao farmers of the Kallari cooperative, a group in Ecuador that eliminates all middlemen by producing and marketing their own chocolate. [NYT]

• Lots of people say China's melamine problem is only going to get worse. [Time]

• China's food-safety concerns aren't likely to go away any time soon, thanks to massive supply chains and spotty enforcement. [Time]

• A California couple blog about what it's like to live on $1/day and make the New York Times. (Meanwhile, countless billions worldwide do the same and yet somehow don't quite fly at radar level.) [NYTimes]

• OMFG: A Haitian migrant resorted to cannibalism while adrift for two weeks en route to Puerto Rico — he and three others are the only ones of the 33 in the boat who survived. [AP/Tribune]

• Just like in politics, food brands are unafraid to run smear campaigns against their rivals. [NYTimes

• Hunters in South Dakota can donate their excess venison and antelope meat to local food pantries! Neato! [KXMC News]

Bonus 6!
• In a groundbreaking synergistic move, the MenuPages blog network has formed secret alliances with Starbucks, Krispy Kreme, and Ben and Jerry's — go in today with proof of voting and they'll give you free food. You're also welcome to let them know how much you love MP, but it's not required. [AP/Tribune]

• The owner of a five-table restaurant in Hastings-on-Hudson, NY is trying out a novel solution to keep his restaurant afloat. He's selling "V.I.P. cards" for his restaurant, which entitle card holders to free meals up until they consume the price of the card plus 20% (they start at $500 and go up to $10,000). Like a CSA, but for restaurants! [NYT]

• The newest 100-calorie snack pack on the block is a diet-friendly packet of Twinkies. Each contains three bite-size morsels of hyper-processed goodness and is expected to do well in this economy &mdash because people are packing lunches, and all. [AP/Boston Globe]

• China seized and destroyed 3,600 tons of melamine-tainted animal feed this weekend. Really, China? Really? We'd say that it's getting embarrassing, but it is so far past that point that there really aren't any jokes to be made. [NYT]

• Profits are up by 2% at Burger King. It's nothing but a hunch, but could this be tied to the economy? [Chicago Tribune]

• On the other hand, Ferran Adrià purports to be puzzled and bemused by all this talk of a financial crisis, because people are still clamoring to eat at El Bulli, as well as posh London restaurants like Pied a Terre. [Bloomberg]

• Burger King's profits have risen 2% in the last quarter. Yay? [Washington Post]

• Also on the rise: diabetes, probably due to obesity! [Boston Globe]

• The former CEO of the nation's largest kosher meatpacking plant is now being facing federal charges for hiring illegal immigrants. [New York Times]

• A Texas man was jailed after refusing to pay for his meal at an all-you-can-eat buffet. Classiest dine and dash ever! [AP]

• What's tainted today? Animal feed! [Chicago Tribune]

• A panel of scientists has come out with a report pretty much tearing the FDA a new one over its ruling that bispenol-A is safe. [NYT]

• A restaurant in Hamburg, NY was closed after officials discovered staff had butchered road kill in the sink. [CBS/AP]

• Golfer John Daly was found drunk and unconscious outside a North Carolina Hooters. [LA Times]

• Melamine turns out to be a somewhat common additive to Chinese animal feed, a practice the Chinese press called an "open secret." [AP/Chicago Tribune]

• The original Starbucks team is back in charge, but could the "back to basics" company turnafound be too little, too late?. [NY Times]

• Calorie counting is back, or so says The New York Times. Didn't realize it had ever really fallen out of favor. [NYT]

• The LA Times editorial board calls for all food from China to be tested for melamine. Here's a better idea in the meantime: if a food product says "made in China," place it back on the shelf. [LA Times]

• Environmentalists are urging the FDA to re-evaluate the agency's position on bisphenol A, which is found in most plastics and has been deemed safe in small quantities. [AP]

• A woman who's had a bit too much to drink gets on a mechanical bull at Johnny Utah's in New York. Now she's suing the restaurant for causing some injuries (which are unspecified) by allowing her to a) get on the bull drunk and b) cranking up the speed to get her to fall off. Isn't that the point? Someone please dismiss this case. [Newsday]

• A restaurant in Gijon in northern Spain is offering a one-euro recession special lunch menu that sounds like an amazing deal: seafood soup, ribs with rice or chicken or anchovies with a salad, bread, dessert, and a drink. According to a manager, the restaurant isn't losing money, but it's not making any either. [China Daily]

• Various big names in the retail food business are voluntarily adding easily visible nutritional icons to their packaging. [NYTimes]

• Wal-Mart removed some Chinese eggs from their shelves. You guessed it — melamine! [AP/SF Chron]

• ... but the World Health Organization just announced that Chinese eggs are a-okay. Unless you eat, like, twenty a day. [AFP]

• The original Slow Food conference opened yesterday in Turin, Italy, and is drawing comparisons to the Olympics. [SF Chron]

• Vermont (yes, the state) has set up speed-dating sessions between its local farmers and various buyers — supermarkets, restaurants, colleges, etc. In our humble opinion, this is the cutest thing ever. [AP/WaPo]

• A grim reminder that the financial crisis is about so much more than jobs, foreclosed homes, and retirement funds: it's also calamitous news for the global food crisis. [WaPo]

• On the plus side... potatoes? Cheap and less subject to market fluctuations than grains, they are a promising solution to global hunger. Just don't tell the Irish, circa 1850, mkay? [NYT]

• Oh, China. Although it's fun to write out sentences like "another day, another melamine contamination disaster!" at this point, we'd rather hear that all is A-OK with your food supply. Sadly, this time, it's a melamine-tainted egg scare. [AP]

• Crazy weather patterns in Europe = ideal mushroom growing conditions. Okay, global warming. You win this round. [Chicago Tribune]

• The Massachusetts Oyster Project is sowing oysters in the Charles River for the purposes of water clean-up. Neat idea, even though it means they will be off limits for nomming (pollutants and all). [Boston Globe]

• A soon-to-air episode of a Belgian food show teaches viewers how to prepare Hitler's favorite meal (trout with butter sauce). Unsurprisingly, this has drawn some serious ire. [Boston Globe]

• North Korea is facing its worst food crisis in a decade. [New York Times]

• "Sushi bullies" (sushi chefs who dictate what you will and will not order) are on the rise. [Wall Street Journal]

• Scientists confirm what we've suspected for a long time: holding a cup of coffee makes you happy. [New York Post]

• Food allergies are up 18% from ten years ago. [Washington Post]

• A judge awarded $4.6 million in back pay and damages to 36 delivery workers for New York's Saigon Grill, where they had previously earned as little as $2 an hour. [NYT]

• The UN gets in on the whole melamine crisis, suggesting to China that the country should probably revamp its food regulations. [AFP]

• If you're going to skip out on the bill at a restaurant, make sure you remember your purse. If you forget said purse, do not return to the scene of the crime to retrieve it, especially when you have marijuana tucked away inside of it. [FOX News]

• Wal-Mart helps stock the shelves at New York state food banks with a $577,000 donation. [Newsday]

• And in news you already knew: diets heavy in meats and fried foods are more likely to give you heart problems later on than diets rich in fruits and veggies. [Star Phoenix]

• They might not be regulating anything else, but at least the government is stepping in to regulate the beef packers! [AP/NYTimes]

• Including farmed versions in the count disqualifies many of species of salmon from the endangered list. Good or bad? [AP/Chicago Tribune]

• Sure, Pam Anderson eats fried pickles. They're vegan! [LATimes]

• 40 food writers spent a week in Houston learning about space food. Did you know that Taco Bell provides the tortillas? [SFGate]

• 45,000 pounds of chocolate, ice cream, hot dogs, and deli meat spilled out of an overturned truck on a Tacoma, WA highway. Party! [Seattle Times]

• Warming waters are pushing Alaskan pollock further up north... to Russia! The geopolitical/economic ramifications are pretty enormous. [LA Times]

• Worried about all the contaminated food scandals? A trio of nutrition experts give advice on how to select and prepare your food. [Boston]

• The financial crisis begets the question; do we even know how much money we spend on food? [SF Chronicle]

• A restaurant in the East Bronx, NY is the proud employer of an 88 year old waitress. She sounds like one of the Golden Girls, so it's not so surprising that she herself is a reason people eat at the restaurant. [AP]

• Iran tried to go for a Guinness World Record by eating the world's largest sandwich. Things were going pretty well (the sandwich was present, as were the eaters) except for one tiny problem: the crowd got over-eager and started devouring the sandwich before it could be measured. Uh-ohs. [Reuters]

• Hey there, eco-friendly sushi lover. Wondering which fish you can eat in good conscience? Not most of them! [Washington Post]

• To the surprise of very few, it seems that the Chinese tainted milk crisis can be traced back to corruption in the courts. [New York Times]

• Irony alert! A new study shows that weight gain may be tied to not getting enough pleasure from food. [Boston Globe]

• Ouch: 2008 has been the worst year for the restaurant industry since 1980. [Chicago Tribune]

• Call us a prude, but a fifteen pound burger seems a little...immoderate, and like it probably wouldn't even be that good! [San Francisco Chronicle]

• A bound man is found dead in the basement of a chicago restaurant. Cue ominous music. [Chicago Tribune]

• The Mi Tierrita restaurant chain, of New York, will pay out $660,000 in back wages and penalties to workers, some of whom it paid as little as $2.10 an hour. [Newsday]

• A British man pleads guilty to planning a suicide bomb attack on a family restaurant in Exeter. [CNN]